God, I'm trying
God, please can't you see
Why does it seem like I am alone
Why have they all moved on,
Why can I list a list so long
Full of names of those who are happily married
And the ones that remain,
The few that remain...
One doesn't want to marry,
And the other is in a relationship.
And I am even alone there.
I'm not wanting to stay single...
And I'm not in a relationship.
I've never been in one...
And yet here I am... still....
I try to speak words of encouragement
I try to lift myself up,
not wanting anyone else to see this
Hiding behind a mask
A mask of vitality and joy.
but I still am discouraged.
I've prayed until I'm blue in the face.
And yet I'm still the 5th wheel.
I'm still treading water.
When is my day going to come?
When will it be my turn?
I watch bride after bride, glowing on her day
And I love it.
But then in the moments of reflection
I feel the loss, because
my day hasn't come yet
My days isn't even in sight.
I am trying so hard to be patient.
I was patient in high school as the others dated.
I was patient in college,
confident that waiting was worthwhile.
But the Friday nights
Stretched before me
As empty and unplanned as
the Friday nights of my childhood.
I was patient as as I turned from 20 to 21.
The right guy would come at the right time.
And I spent another year single.
I was patient as I turned 22.
Even as I hoped that I'd met the right guy
Even though he didn't seem to notice.
And then another year flew by
And I turned 23.
And that was fine.
You don't really want to meet the right guy to early.
But then another year passed.
And I was 24.
And I was still single,
Still I was praying for patience
Confident that God was going to send me the one
And then another year passed.
God, I'm 25. I pleaded.
Is it ever going to happen?
And that year passed again.
And so I'm here.
Twenty-six and still waiting,
still trying to be patient
Still waiting for my Prince.
Is it ever going to happen?
I don't know that I have that much patience.
Please, God, please.
I'm at one of those crises of faith,
A crisis of my patience.
God, please, please.....
And yet there is still no answer.
No end to my waiting.
And I know, I've only been twenty-six
for less than a month.
And now I'm trying to find Mr. Right
by allowing a computer to find someone.
And then I wonder....
Am I stepping out of God's will by doing that...
Am I abandoning my patience?
Am I wrong?
God, please, please, please...
I know the words I should say.
I know the words to speak...
But right now my patience meter
seems to be on E.
And I just don't even know what to say.
I am almost ready to give up on being patient.
But perhaps I already did.
And I guess patience is one of those things
That I have never understood.
And truthfully I may never understand.
And I wish that there was a happy ending
that I could end this with.
I wish that there was a large fluffy bow
to neatly tie up this story
And prove that patience pays off,
But the truth is that I haven't seen it yet,
And I am still waiting.
Still waiting and praying,
And hoping that one day
Preferably one day soon,
That the waiting will be over
And my patience will be rewarded
With my happily ever after.
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