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I read a lot. Being a woman and feeling in constant need of help, I like to peruse the self-help aisle at our local Christian bookstore. Consequently I have a whole bookshelf full of books now with titles like “You can Have it All!” or ‘Finding the Best You”. I also subscribe to a number of magazines and I always zero in on these kind of articles as well. Frequently, I am admonished in these books and articles to “be real” and to not wear a mask. I have learned not to play charades with my feelings and with others. I have been told that I need to explore my feelings and let most of them out - to others, and most especially to my husband. If he doesn’t respond with a slew of feelings all his own, then he’s a cad. I have also found thirty seven good chicken recipes and at least three sure fire ways for getting spaghetti sauce out of my carpet (I read the whole magazine).
I have finally determined that my entire life is a charade. If I were “true to my feelings” and ‘acted on my heart” as it is so often suggested to me in these articles my family would eat cold cereal for breakfast every morning. Well, actually they do, now that I think about it. Bad example! But nobody would ever find any clean underwear in their drawers, I would spend my day scrap booking instead of home schooling, the baby would never wear clothes, and we’d order in for supper every night (hmmm - not such a bad idea on that last one!). I’d hush my husband when he launches into yet another hunting story and make him listen to my thoughts instead, I’d never visit the in-laws, and the bathtub would sport a permanent ring (uh, scratch that one - another bad example!). Often my children will respond to me, after having been asked to do something, “But I don’t fe-e-l like it!” To this I respond in a wise, gentle, and warm manner . I snap, “I don’t care what you feel like - do it anyway!” I have concluded that this is what life is really about. I know that I spend the vast majority of my day doing things I really don’t want to do. And it’s ok!
Ecclesiastes 9:10 tells me, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…” and I Corinthians 10:31 admonishes that ‘Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” * It doesn’t matter if I feel fulfilled or if I am being “true” to myself. I’m doing the right thing and hopefully, I’m doing it to God’s glory - even if it’s just wiping down the high chair for the thousandth time or listening patiently to the entire plot of a Batman movie, as told to me by one of my sons. And I have a feeling, that in doing what I am called to do, I will find that my charade exists no longer. If everything I do is for God’s glory, then I will find myself more willing to do them - most things, anyway! Cooking may continue to be an issue…
*Verses quoted from New King James version of the Bible
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