The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
08/21/08
ROFL! What a hoot! This was a fun read. I was laughing by the time I was halfway through to see all this hullabaloo for one little snake! Great job with the humor here! ^_^
08/22/08
Well, that does it--I'd have to just quit my job, if there was ever a snake loose there. I cringed all the way through this--I hope that's the effect you were going for.

Exclamation marks should be used very rarely, and almost exclusively in dialogue. In the narrative of your story, count on strong word choices rather than punctuation to convey strong emotions.

With a few edits, this would be a really fine story.