The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/21/08
This is very interesting! It's like the more you read it something different clicks into place. Thanks for sharing it!
08/22/08
This has a childlike innocence to it that is very appealing.

A note on punctuation of rhymed poetry: you don't need a period at the end of every line. Punctuate it as you would a sentence.

I'm not clear on the meaning of the "Bambi" at the end.

A poem with lots of potential--keep writing, writing, writing!
Need to watch your spelling. There (right before the word world) should be spelled their. Also... I don't get the connection to charades? It's not mentioned one time. I too also don't get the connection to Bambi either.

Though I feel you have good form and rhythm, you might want to try to clarify things just a little bit. I look forward reading more of your work.