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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Charade (08/14/08)

TITLE: "Keep the sugar sweet!"
By Janice Wood


Why does it always feel like I’m pulling a fast one when I start a new role in life? Actually, when I think about it I am jumping in and out of one role or another throughout the day—everyday. I bite my tongue and appear serene and unruffled when inside I’m seething and hearing that voice in my head saying I don’t deserved to be treated this way. Again, with calm demeanor when I’m feeling beyond my depth in experience, that familiar voice is screaming like an idiot and bawling its head off. Then commander Candoo gets on the loudspeaker in my mind: “Get a grip! Stay calm! You’re a professional of all things!” That’s the voice of reason pulling me back with a reality check. Oh Lord Jesus keep me walking on the sane side! Then Winnie Whiner’s voice begins whimpering reminding me how I hate change and my memory is slipping in my old age. If people only knew the real me they wouldn’t trust me with their yard sale for goodness sake!

I’m becoming convinced that as long as I’m unfamiliar with how I should behave and I am expected, nonetheless, to assume that role, I will always feel like an imposter. As a new graduate nurse I had to perform activities on my patients with an air of self confidence that I did not possess inside. I worked as an Interim Permittee until my passing grade could be validated by the RN licensing board. I was sure I’d be out on my derriere when I was discovered to be working under false pretenses.

It’s an awful feeling but until we become immersed in our roles and confident we can perform to required expectations it must be endured and acknowledged as inevitable. Frankly, like pain, I must appreciate the prod it becomes drawing me to Christ. When tears threaten because they linger closer to the surface these days, I cry out “Not now! Jesus! Help me!” That’s when a word most low minded and foreign to my vocabulary popped into my head and instantly the urge to cry evaporated. I know it was a God thing. What else could have so instantly and directly pinpointed my need and responded so outside of my box? It was from Jesus, without a doubt. So what was that word? Will you promise not to gasp and turn away from me and think me absurd? I really didn’t know what that word meant. I couldn’t find it in the Webster Dictionary. I went on line and found it on a word search and the application was so perfect. You see, at that time when I was struggling so hard not to cry the doctor I was assisting had treated me with disdain and harshly criticized how I had handled a procedure I was required to walk through with the other staff before beginning our exam. This word I found described a type of ant that excreted a foul smelling substance into sugar making it unpalatable. This was true of this doctor’s behavior. His crankiness destroyed the camaraderie and esprit du Coeur for the team members in the room. I could have stopped there in my reflection and made it all about this doctor but the Holy Spirit said this is what I do also when I begin to listen to that voice from the dark side within me and give in to how I really feel. I shared this insight with one of my coworkers that also struggles when having to assist this particular doctor. Whenever we see each other she’ll wink and say: “Keep the sugar sweet!”

The Bible says to the born again person they are now ambassadors, priests, holy and pure, chosen by God to display His glorious love to the lost of this world. Now those are big shoes to fill! Until Jesus returns I will feel like an imposter as I struggle to become more comfortable with whom He says I am. One tool I have added to help me along with this journey toward Christ likeness is that new word and the admonition from my coworker to “Keep the sugar sweet!”

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Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 08/21/08
That is a neat line "keep the sugar sweet" it works well as your title and certainly fits this piece. Thanks for sharing, the transparency in here is wonderful! ^_^
Anita van der Elst08/21/08
Ok, I'll guess the word! Is it "pissant" or "pissmire"? It may be used sometimes vulgarly but it sure brings the picture alive for me. God does use strange things sometimes to get our attention. Thank you for giving us a glimpse into your inner world!
Jan Ackerson 08/23/08
Good job!

I would have loved a whole story based purely on your third paragraph, which really appealed to the "wordie" in me.