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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Charade (08/14/08)

TITLE: Who Are You
By Brian Haugrud
08/14/08


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She woke up every morning and would say a prayer to God.
And before she went to bed each night His praises she did laud.
It was the way that she’d been taught from the earliest of years.
So now this moment in her life brought her nothing but more tears.

It started as a little girl when parents taught her how to live.
They modeled pomp and circumstance and taught her how to give.
They said what’s right and then what’s wrong and she were too obey.
And if she followed their instructions she would see heaven some day.

So she went to church and said the prayers reading Bible every week.
She knew most every story about the mighty and the weak.
When young adulthood came her way she taught others of them too.
She knew this was her role in life; it’s what she was supposed to do.

The man she married was so strong as she stood there by his side.
They had two kids who watched them close as together they abide.
They took their kids to Sunday school and the verses they did teach.
They were confident of the role they played; this family was a peach.

She now looks up at this man who with her life she must explain.
She had heard of Him from Sunday school but barely knew His name.
He asked her of her time before this day when all was real.
Did you ever think there could be more and did you really feel?

She thought again to early years and more tears filled her eyes.
She now could see that what was taught was filled with some half lies.
It was so great to go to church and to read the Bible too.
But it’s not enough to get to Heaven; to that land beyond the blue.

She looked again up at this man and now would recognize His name.
She had sung of Him in Sunday school and knew of His great claim.
It seemed just like a fairy tail and was so hard to believe.
So all the years she talked of God; His Son she didn’t receive.

The time had come to give account for the life that she did live.
And with her mouth did she confess and forgiveness He would give?
But the time had passed for this to happen and she didn’t know what to do.
As Jesus turned to her and said, I’m sorry, “Who Are You”?


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This article has been read 438 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Racheal Chand08/21/08
Good job. I noticed one error. Fairy tail, should it have been fairy tale? I liked the end. It is a good reminder that being a pew warmer doesn't account for a relationship with God and His Son. Keep Writing.
Sara Harricharan 08/21/08
Ouch! Your last paragraph really sums this up, the words and the last line...ouch. What a neat example. Thanks for sharing this-it is all too true! ^_^
Beth B08/21/08
Thank you for sharing your poem. The ending was powerful and so true. Jesus is way, the truth and the life. I admire those who express themselves through poetry.
Renee Huff08/21/08
At first I assumed the ending would be glorious. I did a double take when I got to the end. I like it though. It is real and necessary for us to hear. Why use our talents if they don't speak truth to lead us closer to Christ? Nice job.
Valarie Sullivan08/21/08
Oh, this was good! Very well done! I liked the way it ended, in a surprise!
Sarah Heywood08/22/08
Wow - that certainly makes you think! Good job!
Jan Ackerson 08/23/08
Very good story-poem...an all-too-common story.

It's best to avoid the "did (verb)" construction, as it often comes across as unnatural or forced.

Good job on consistency of the rhyme and meter. One of the best poems on this level.
Janice Wood08/26/08
I was confused by the references to "this man". First it was her husband with whom she had 2 children then it seemed her husband became Jesus. You share a strong message. This is a tough one to tackle on any level. I applaud your effort. I suggest when you re-read your writing put yourself in the place of someone that might not be tuned in to your frequency and see if there might be a better choice of words that might make your word picture clearer to understand.