The Official Writing Challenge
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08/21/08
Good job. I noticed one error. Fairy tail, should it have been fairy tale? I liked the end. It is a good reminder that being a pew warmer doesn't account for a relationship with God and His Son. Keep Writing.
08/21/08
Ouch! Your last paragraph really sums this up, the words and the last line...ouch. What a neat example. Thanks for sharing this-it is all too true! ^_^
08/21/08
Thank you for sharing your poem. The ending was powerful and so true. Jesus is way, the truth and the life. I admire those who express themselves through poetry.
08/21/08
At first I assumed the ending would be glorious. I did a double take when I got to the end. I like it though. It is real and necessary for us to hear. Why use our talents if they don't speak truth to lead us closer to Christ? Nice job.
Oh, this was good! Very well done! I liked the way it ended, in a surprise!
08/22/08
Wow - that certainly makes you think! Good job!
08/23/08
Very good story-poem...an all-too-common story.

It's best to avoid the "did (verb)" construction, as it often comes across as unnatural or forced.

Good job on consistency of the rhyme and meter. One of the best poems on this level.
08/26/08
I was confused by the references to "this man". First it was her husband with whom she had 2 children then it seemed her husband became Jesus. You share a strong message. This is a tough one to tackle on any level. I applaud your effort. I suggest when you re-read your writing put yourself in the place of someone that might not be tuned in to your frequency and see if there might be a better choice of words that might make your word picture clearer to understand.