There she was, a wounded warrior, pale and bone thin, lying on the cold tile floor praying for God to release her from this life of hide and seek. Hiding from the very thing she was seeking; love, acceptance, and comfort. Her tiny figure grotesquely distended within from gorging all her forbidden foods in a frenzy of utter satisfaction. The small bathroom with its neutral walls and couture décor began pulling her into a vortex of watercolors as the monster inside began to grow. It had teeth that tore at her flesh from the inside out and an insatiable appetite for aggression. Its’ mission, to kill and destroy the very life inside her.
The sound of rushing water bounced off the shower tub and drowned out her pleas for help. Like a voice in the wilderness one could hear her faintly beseeching God, “Lord, please, I want to stop. I can’t stop.” And in a crescendo of despair she pleaded one final time, “help me, help me, help me. I need you now.”
The pain dripped down her face and the tears soothed her soul for a brief moment before the rage stole her voice yet again. It made its usual ascent, growing with each breath until it broke the surface as a geyser of expulsion. Purging everything tangible and more importantly, intangible; forbidden thoughts, feelings and emotions, the essence of her being.
Banging her head on the ground in an act of self-loathing she demanded release. “I give up. I can’t do this any longer. Lord, take me now”. The enemy of her soul waited in the wings anticipating the savory aroma of his prey as he heard her words aloud signaling the white flag of surrender.
The room went black as the light in her eyes faded into the emptiness of her soul. Swarms of voices began to envelop the limp body of the girl dying just to be thin. Something kept her eyes from opening, however she could sense the warmth of angel voices wash over her tattered and torn body penetrating deep within.
Then, the Ancient of Days spoke and the armor of numbness disintegrated, “I HAVE SET BEFORE YOU LIFE AND DEATH MY PRECIOUS CHILD, NOW CHOOSE LIFE."
“I want to Lord, but how? I have tried so hard but I can’t seem to quit. Something has a grip on me and won’t let go. I feel like a puppet being pulled by something or someone greater than me.”
“YES, BELOVED BUT IT IS NOT GREATER THAN I. TRUST ME. LEAN ON ME. I WILL MAKE WAYS FOR YOU WHEN YOU SEE NO DOOR AHEAD BUT IT IS ULTIMATELY YOUR CHOICE TO WALK THROUGH THEM.”
The sound of faint knocking at the door brought her quickly back to the pavement of earth. She could feel her head pound with each contraction of her heart. And her stomach, now empty convulsed and contorted in agony and relief as her eyes parted to allow a sliver of light to enter into the darkness of her very real disease.
She slowly lifted her head off the floor as her eyes caught sight of a piece of paper being slipped under the door. With one final push the paper wafted past her feet and landed next to her waif-like frame lying in a fetal position on the solid ground.
An innocent voice encased in fear whispered through the void. “Baby, I love you and I’m hear for you.” The only words her mother could muster before the tears of her own pain began to choke her into quiescence. Silence filled the spaces between them as the sound of crinkled paper was heard on both sides of the door.
“You have been hiding too long. It’s time to come out. No one is mad, especially not me. I love you too much. You are my beautiful girl, every part of you. Please make the choice to love yourself enough to reach out for help. Love, Mom.”
Tired and worn down from battle, she hesitantly reached up and unlocked the door. A feeble hand trembling with fear reached beyond the bars of her soul to touch the essence of God’s promise.
The very words of hope rang into the spiritual air surrounding the two generations of Eve, “I will make a way for you but you must choose to walk in it.”
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