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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Hide and Seek (08/07/08)

TITLE: Playing hide and seek with God.
By beatrice Russo
08/10/08


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I thought Cordilia would break her neck one day, going up the stairs so fast!
She had been playing with Ron all morning, he was one of the children who lived across the road from us but was more often in this house than in his own.
The day had started really hot and sticky for a June day, it could have been August with such temperatures.
How could children run and play under such heat and have all this energy always amazed me.
I had been downstairs in the kitchen since early morning baking cookies for the school fair that was taking place this afternoon.
I didn’t really want to go or to bake cookies but I still didn’t know how to say no when someone was asking me to volunteer for something. ( It was on my list of thing to try to do this year).
“ Lets play hide and seek” shouted Cordilia, “ you count, I will Hide”.
Ron gracefully agreed. He was use to be bossed around by my little girl since they were toddlers and the idea of staying downstairs next to the trays full of cookies wasn’t displeasing him either.
Cordilia was making a lot of noise upstairs then nothing, complete silence.
Ron hurried up to finish the cookie that I had placed in front of him and started his way up.
It wouldn’t be too hard to find her he thought, she will probably be behind the shower curtains or under the bed.
Ron went in the bathroom, no Cordilia.
He started his way to her bedroom when he heard some whispering coming from my bedroom.
He first hesitated. He knew that my bedroom was off limit since last year when they broke my grand-mother vase while having a pillow fight on my bed.
He listened harder and again could hear the whispering. After reflection, he decided to come back down and tell me about it.
He didn’t want to upset me as I had promised to save him some cookies for later.
After hearing that there was whispering in my bedroom, we both went up quietly.
We were both very intrigued.
Ron opened slowly the bedroom door, we first saw nothing.
We listened very hard to see where the whispering was coming from. After few seconds we both looked at the same time to the wardrobe. We moved closely to it to listen to what was said.
“ Please Jesus, make me invisible so that when Ron open the door he won’t see me . He always find me, that’s not Fair! Thank you God. Amen”.
We both smiled and went out of the bedroom as quiet as we went in.
Ron decided that for once he will turn a blind eye and pretend he didn’t know where Cordilia was.
I went back downstairs to my baking, smiling at the thought of my girl praying in my wardrobe ( that is where I kept my crucifix) and asking god for help, when she kept telling me that praying was for sissies who had no confidence in themselves.
I was happy to see that my girl believed in her own way that god was always around, even in my wardrobe !


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Member Comments
Member Date
Yvonne Blake 08/15/08
Cute story. It will help the reader if you put an extra space between paragraphs. Using some dialogue might help the characters seem more alive, also. This story has a good thought. Keep writing.
Dan Blankenship 08/17/08
Use extra spaces between paragraphs and watch the sentence structures more closely, like:

[She had been playing with Ron all morning, he was one of the children who lived across the road from us but was more often in this house than in his own.]


I would have made that two different sentences.

You tell a story quite well.

May God bless.

Sincerely,
Dan Blankenship