The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/25/08
Creepy. You gave me the shivers.

It's a good beginning to a story. You leave the reader wanting more. You do need to watch your pov. She can't know it's a man or that he has dark eyes unless she's looking at him. She can feel his eyes boring into her head.

Good job.

07/27/08
Your story instills fear. That kind of story really disturbs me.