The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/24/08
Great job! Creative and humorous. I smiled all the way through. Thanks!
07/24/08
I loved this submission.
07/25/08
This is a very cute story. I could see something like that happening.

Your opening sentence is too long. Breaking it up will help pull the reader in more quickly. Readers sometimes get turned off by on opening sentence that's so long. Work on weeding out the unnecessary. Tighten up your writing.

Great job.
Entertaining :)
07/26/08
*smile* Well written! I love the title and the line "Did God beat you up?".

Make each new quote in a different paragraph, so the reader can tell it's a new speaker.

**THIS SPARKLES**