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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Telephone (07/17/08)

TITLE: The Call (i)
By Hannah Hunter
07/19/08


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I sit in Math class just across the hall from the office. Every time the telephone rings my mind stops and waits for the intercom to click. After a few seconds I resume my work with part of my mind still listening for the phone. How long had it been? How many trips to the hospital and hours spent waiting? Each time he gets weaker. It canít last much longer. Mamma canít keep going. She is so exhausted. He wants her with him 24 hours a day and for months she has hardly slept at all. I struggle between wanting him to live and just wanting it all to be over.

Then the call comes. I quickly walk to the office at the principalís summons and reach for the phone he hands me. ďWeíre taking Daddy to the hospital,Ē I hear Mamma say. This time she adds, ďI donít think we will bring him home again.Ē As I hand the phone back the principal speaks words meant to offer comfort, but my mind canít receive them. I mumble my thanks and walk slowly back to class.


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This article has been read 332 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Rhonda Clark 07/24/08
I like this story.

This could have a stronger emotional impact if you beef up the storyline. I want to feel what the kid is feeling. I want to be a part of his emotions. Let me see some physiological reactions to his thoughts.

Very, very nice.
Yvonne Blake 07/26/08
Ohhhhh... so sad. I hope this is fiction, and not happened to you!

The first part is very well written...the waiting, the dread, etc. When the call finally comes, you want to cry. I think the shortness of it adds to the hopelessness...leaves you empty, just like the character.

Well done! Keep writing.
Candy Goldie09/24/08
Nice job! That waiting period is awful isn't it?