The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/24/08
I like this story.

This could have a stronger emotional impact if you beef up the storyline. I want to feel what the kid is feeling. I want to be a part of his emotions. Let me see some physiological reactions to his thoughts.

Very, very nice.
07/26/08
Ohhhhh... so sad. I hope this is fiction, and not happened to you!

The first part is very well written...the waiting, the dread, etc. When the call finally comes, you want to cry. I think the shortness of it adds to the hopelessness...leaves you empty, just like the character.

Well done! Keep writing.
09/24/08
Nice job! That waiting period is awful isn't it?