There she blows! No, I’m not talking about Moby Dick. The “she” is “me.” For this reason, this entry I submit is more of a confession rather than a story for the weekly contest.
God has been dealing with me and my anger.
Ironically, (or most probably because of Providence), you can imagine my surprise when I found that the Weekly Challenge word for this week was “Anger.”
Oh, how my heart is aching right now, because I feel like I have blown it again.
It’s Monday morning, and I had my coat on and was headed out to the garage.
Now, I don’t know about you, but Monday mornings are usually hard for me. I commute to Chicago, and most times it takes a lot of energy just getting to work.
This morning was no exception. My car wouldn’t start.
Now, last night my dear husband noticed that my car was “dinging” because of the key that I left in the ignition. But hold on, the key was not in start position. You see my husband and father-in-law put on one of those automatic starters on my car, so that when I come home from Chicago to the train station, I can start the car and allow it to warm up a little before I get to it and drive home. Unfortunately, there is an additional part that is needed, so in order for the automatic starter to work, I have to leave my car key in the ignition. My car has a warning “ding” that tells me I have left the key in it, but it usually goes off after a few minutes, but sometimes not. So, last night my husband wanted to make sure my car started. It did.
However, this morning, after I was all ready to battle the winter weather and the Monday blues, I turned the key, and my car wouldn’t start.
Immediately I felt myself loosing it. Now usually I would start rejoicing about having an excuse to stay home (I know that sounds terrible, but it‘s the truth). But after all the effort I had made to get ready, I really wanted to go.
Well in my anger, I worked myself up to a frenzy and literally made myself sick. So now because I feel sick and my car is sick, I called off work. (I told you that this was a confession, so please don’t judge me too harshly. Thank you.)
I keep asking God how he can use me with this temper of mine.
Oh, I have all kinds of theories on why I have a temper -- such as the many hurts, abuse and disappointments in my life.
I have even tried to laugh about my anger as I kidded with good friends of mine saying that I don’t really have a temper, I’m only “passionate!
Seriously though, I have come to realize that my anger comes mostly from two things: (1) when things don’t go the way I wanted them to; and (2) I have no patience. I always thought myself patient, but I don’t know now if I ever was. I thought that as I grew older, I would be more patient, but for me, I think it’s just the opposite.
I am saddened because I know God has so much more for me, and that until I allow him to prune me from dead branches of quick temperament, I will be like the ones in these two scriptures (taken from the Life Application Study Bible):
Proverbs 25:28: A person without self-control is as defenseless as a city with broken-down walls.
Ecclesiastes 7:9: Don’t be quick-tempered, for anger is the friends of fools.
My heart cries out , “Oh Lord, please deliver me from the tempest waves of anger that wash over me!”
With God’s faithfulness and mercy, I look to the day when I am delivered from my anger and what I call the Moby Dick syndrome of "there she blows!"
Thanks for letting me blow off steam.
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