The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
07/24/08
I like your story. The Holy Spirit does touch us in special ways.

You need to pull the reader in by using, show don't tell words. I want to hear Belle's sleepy voice; I want feel dad's uneasiness and urgency; make me feel the threat of the illness. Think about how your body physically reacts in situations like this, and describe it. Does your skin get goose bumps? Does your stomach churn at the news of a sick child?

Nice story.
07/25/08
It's wonderful when the Lord prompts us to pray for someone. Thank you for writing this.
07/28/08
I enjoyed this story, good way to share how the Spirit can prompt us.

It's hard to write an all dialogue piece, I know, I've done several and not always been successful.

I find that a little more description of what they are feeling will help a lot.
I was touched by the dad's comment, "It's the Holy Spirit alright. I can feel the peace in me now." Also, like that the piece ended with a prayer.
Nice story plot. Your conversations show the closeness of this family. :)
Nice story showing how the Holy Spirit speaks to us and urges us to action. Well done.
I wish I could write dialog like this. The whole piece was beautifully done and I hope you place high with it! Kudos!
07/30/08
A really good story, and a wonderful example of the work of the Holy Spirit.
This story shows so well the leadings of the Holy Spirit--makes me want to listen closely to hear His voice.
07/30/08
Very well done! I did like this, it was interesting with a happy ending. I really like the happy ending on this and the good twist with the fact that he felt the urge to call. I just love the moments like that in real life. ^_^
I was blessed by your story. You did a great job showing how the Lord looks after His children by His Spirit. How important it is to listen to His voice! I am learning to walk in step with the Spirit and listen for His voice. As was said before, more descriptions of emotions would add more spice to the stew! God bless.
Isn't it amazing how the Holy Spirit will quicken us like this? This story is a great example of God speaking to the heart of a parent. Thank you for sharing this. It was a pleasure to read.
08/06/08
Your story may be fictional, but it certainly rang true. I know the Holy Spirit CAN prompt a person to act in the way that this father was prompted. This is a touching story. I liked it very much...Helen