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Welcome, Samuel
One of my most precious memories is, in fact, a recent one. I find it interesting to think that while you were there, I am the only one that will remember it - indeed, hold it close to my heart for the remainder of my days.
The memories of the morning of your birth come to me in flashes at times. I can’t believe how much I have forgotten until I look again at the photographs your father took and then I find myself remembering little events that have already faded in my mind. It’s funny - I swore I wouldn’t forget anything! During the eight plus years that we waited and hoped for you I thought to myself many times that if our prayers were ever answered and we were given another child I would cherish absolutely every moment. I wouldn’t take anything for granted like I did with your much older brothers. Every flutter, every hiccup, and even every gut-wrenching spasm of nausea would be a reason for rejoicing because it meant you were on the way. Most of all, I wouldn’t forget anything. Every detail about your birth would be indelibly imprinted into my heart and I would be able to tell you the story of the day you came to us without having to pause and wonder if that was really your story I was remembering or if it belonged to one of your brothers!
And so, I remember - not in the great detail I had hoped for, but it’s there, in bits and pieces. I remember being so excited I couldn’t sleep the night before (neither could your dad!), I remember refusing to wear socks into the operating room because I didn’t want to cover up my pretty red toenail polish - and having freezing feet throughout your birth! I do remember waiting for your first cry and feeling such relief when it came, lusty and strong, despite your too-early entrance into the world. I remember your daddy’s tears after he cut your cord and came back to me and whispered, “He’s perfect!” I caught a glimpse of you and it wasn’t enough. My heart yearned to immediately connect with you, but I had to wait. I’m grateful for the technology that allowed you to survive and be healthy, while still early, but I felt constrained by it in that moment when all I wanted to do was scoop you up and hold you!
Samuel, my most precious memory of your birth is this: after waiting more than eight years for you, I had to wait another couple of hours to hold you. I could hear the nurses bustling around your bed, doing the things necessary following birth, and I would raise my head in hopes of seeing a bit of you and I would always be told to lie down - it wasn’t time yet! Finally, a good-hearted nurse, sensing my distress, took pity on me and brought you to me. You were only wearing a diaper and she tucked you inside my hospital gown, so that we were skin to skin for our first encounter. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. You and I, who had shared a body for so long, were now united again. Never have I felt so bonded to any one person as I did to you in those moments.
You have already grown so much and every day leave a little bit more of your babyhood behind. I am enjoying you like I never have anything else. It’s hard to believe that that memory we made is almost a year old now! And there are already so many more memories of you that I get to pull out and enjoy now. But there is one that is more precious than any, and while you were there, it is mine alone. For the remainder of my days, I will take that memory, and like a faded, pressed rose, inhale the sweet remembrance time and time again.
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