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My home town is a Midwestern college town a place filled with more painful memories than joyful ones. I remember him with joyless seasons, days of a gloomy skyline, and a sunshine struggling to bring hope. My childhood experiences held few fond memories, and its atmosphere lacked a balance of joy, encouragement, or positive influence. Growing up as a child I often used the means of day dreaming to visit places around the world to enjoy laughter with imaginary friends, and to remove myself from the chilling grips of my home town’s tainting stronghold. Although I remember vividly a sincere love from my mother; unfortunately, she struggled to properly balance emotional and financial support to her four children. In part I believe most of my mother’s struggles with motherhood and insecurities were due to the emotional demons she was fighting from her past, as most of women in our family. Emotional pain is like a bad habit in my family, and most of the women are single parents, or divorced and raising their children alone. These negative experiences and memories caused many years of emotional pitfalls, and a dislike for the place where I was born.
Moreover, fear accompanied with my lack of self-confidence led me to live most of my life in an emotionally impoverished state. My bad childhood experiences robbed me of a normal childhood causing me to live most of my adult life in emotional darkness, hopelessness, and shameful guilt. Not only did my emotional tragedies begin a whirlpool of rebelliousness, resentment, and dislike for home, but it also encouraged a desire to experience feelings of joy, happiness, and compassion. And this new desire to feel different within initiated my move to Arizona. Living in this new city elates me with new expectations, and aids me to sincerely love the place where I was born. My new life in this metropolitan city also brings feelings of tranquility as I enjoy sitting on the patio in the early mornings while listening to God’s encouraging whispers of love. Seeing home through the eyes of compassion frees my heart from its hurt, resentment, and disloyalty. My emotions are renewed with a “home improvement” effort, and I’m optimistic about repainting my memories of home with colorful stokes of healing, forgiveness, and confidence.
Contrary to my early beliefs, the place where I was born has seeded me to bloom into an encouraging and compassionate individual. The things I remember about home are no longer in the shadow of resentment. No longer am I bound and blind by hatred, but renewed by the divine power that lies within me. Willingly and lovingly I now speak of home with a poetic language:
"O, place where I was born
your darkness has scarred and hindered my early years, but your purpose I now understand.
O, place where I was born
I no longer see you as a black and white portrait, but have learned to enjoy your memories through vivid
colors of a rainbow.
O, place where I was born
a love for you I now have and enjoy.
I’m encouraged to share with others my pain and lessons I’ve overcome during my time with you, and I’m filled with joy to know that someday I will encourage others to live painfully free.
And I owe it all to you. Thank you for your lessons, challenges, and
tough love."
Hallelujah, for the lessons and love received from the place where I was born! Moreover, moving to Arizona has giving me a platform to see the endless opportunities that awaits in my future. The time spent meditating in the early mornings with nature and God, rekindles my love for home, and encourages me to stay focus on becoming what God need me to be, for me. No longer am I bound and blind by doubt, but renewed by the divine power that lies within me. I have excitement about learning to better balance church activities, the challenges of full-time work, and home work of a part-time student. Also I’m learning new things about myself daily that encourages me to be the best in all I do.
I’m now a woman with a renewed spirit enjoying life! My compassionate nature encourages me to bestow a smile to others that’s heartfelt, and I’m bursting with joy in believing that I will help others to listen to their heart and live out their dreams.
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