Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: The Family Reunion (06/05/08)

TITLE: Ancient Relatives
By Carole Robishaw
06/07/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Please, Mom, I can’t chop another onion, I can’t even see because of all the tears.”

“Okay, I think we have enough for now. Hmm, some for the beans, and some to go in the potato salad. I will need a few more just sliced for the relish plate, everyone likes to pile up onions on their burgers.”

“Later, can I slice them later, please.”

“Yes, go on, take a break. You can do the rest later, Oh, go help you sister shuck some more corn.”

“I thought you said I could take a break.” She whined.

“From chopping onions, not from helping, there’s too much too do yet, get a move on.”

I’d like to get a move on, right on down the road, I’ve had enough of this. When do I get to spend time with my friends. Every 4th, it’s always a family barbecue. I hate barbecues, especially with nuthin but old people around.

“Girl, change that attitude, right now, or you’ll get to chop another pound of onions. That’ll give you something to whine about.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You didn’t have too, I can see it in your face. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”

The door slammed behind her as she went out on the porch.

-------------------------------------

“Fred, they’re here. You need to go help your aunt out of the car. That walker of hers gives her fits.”

“Got it, on my way,” Dad replied.

“Aunt Helen, here, let my help you. Sally, come help carry Aunt Helen’s things in for her.”

Yeah, whatever. Here we go again, nuthin but old people.

“Here Sally, get that banana pudding from the car floor there, will you? Thanks sweetheart. Oh, my, you’ve grown at least 3 inches since I saw you last.”

What do you expect, old biddy? If she pinches my cheek again I’m going to scream, I really will.

-------------------------------------

“Oh, my, Marie, that was absolutely delicious, you’ve outdone yourself, again.” Aunt Helen declared, as she struggled to her feet, reaching for her walker. “Sally, come, bring me my knitting basket, and sit beside me on the swing, won’t you?”

The whole extended family, with all the aunts and uncles, chorused Aunt Helen’s compliments, as they made their way out to the screened porch, to rock and relax in the cool evening breezes.

You’re kidding, I had to spend all day preparing the food, being nice at the table, and now I have to entertain, her, too. Great! Now I’ll never get a chance to sneak off with my friends.

“Sally, I’ve been watching you grow up all these years, and I see so much of myself in you. My grandma told me I was much like her, too, that stubborn streak just runs in the family. I wanted so badly to grow up, to be able to escape and just be my own person. I was so tired of having to cater to what I thought of as my ancient relatives, I wanted time to spend with my friends. Now, I’ve outlived them all.”

Aunt Helen continued, “Sally, did you know that one of your great, great aunts actually fought in the Revolutionary War when she was your age.”

“You’re kidding, really! I didn’t know girls got to go to war then, especially not at my age.”

“Well, there weren’t very many that did. I know lots of stories I could tell you about our family. Lots of interesting stories, but, of course, if you’d rather go off to spend the evening with your friend’s I’d understand. I know old family stories about people that lived a long time ago can’t be very interesting.”

“Wow, are you kidding, please, tell me about the aunt who fought in the war.”

“Alright, let’s get comfortable, and I’ll tell you what I was told.”

“Wait, Aunt Helen,” dad said. “Let’s record this to make sure it gets passed down to a few more generations.”

------------------------------------

Climbing into bed that night, Sally started thinking back on the evening. I guess it wasn’t so bad, after all. I can’t wait till next week, Mom’s going to take me over to Aunt Helen’s, so I can see some old family pictures. Wow, I guess I really have a neat family. Why did Aunt Helen wait so long to tell me about all those relatives?

I guess it’s okay, missing one day with my friends. Whoa! Wait till I tell them the cool stuff I heard tonight.



The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 403 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Yvonne Blake 06/14/08
Great job with all dialogue! I like writing in that style too. You did well showing the teenage girl's thoughts and how they changed.
**THIS SPARKLES**
Lyn Churchyard06/16/08
Oooh I did like this! Your narration and dialogue was very good. I can relate to everyone likes to pile up onions on their burgers. Oh yeah, the more onion the better :- )
I like the way you portrayed the teen, very realistic indeed. Great story all round, well done Carole!

Chely Roach06/16/08
Nicely done...great job capturing the "tude" of a teenage girl. Great work!
Debbie Wistrom06/16/08
Your format moved this entertaining entry right along. I loved how you captured the teenager. Ouch I remember those days.

Keep upo the good words.
Debbie Fuhry06/16/08
Good job. I liked the way you moved the story along with just the dialogue. Good, realistic take on a teen girl.
Loren T. Lowery 06/26/08
As I was reading this, I was thinking, oh how much she is going to cherish these memories someday...little did I know you were headed in the same direction. You've done an excellent job with both dialogue and thought patterns, truly capturing the mind of a teen. Your story telling is very engaging, too. BTW, thanks for your insightful input on my article, too. Loren


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service