The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/05/08
You did a good job of relating a busy, but precious time with your family. As a reader, I could feel your love for them.
06/07/08
I like that name "Giddywump". That would make a good title. There's a lot of love in this story, plus a lot of little details that don't seem to fit in.
I suggest picking one or two incidents and focus on them.
Watch your pronouns. You seem to jump from one POV to the other.
These are good memories.
Keep writing.
I was dizzy with the busyness of this piece but the fun and love were wonderful!