The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
This story held my interest throughout. Well told.
05/31/08
Wow! This was very compelling. You held my interest throughout, right to the end. I could feel the mother's worry and the final relief.
The use of dialogue or thoughts would make it even better.
Well done. **THIS SPARKLES**
05/31/08
Thanks to all for the wonderful comments. This story was hard to keep within the word limit. It was a huge story in my life, and after submitting it, I realized that I didn't explain how these were my cousins!
Michelle,

That was my main question - if they were all trained by "their father", how were they cousins? Other than my confusion at that point, I thought this was a very good piece. You had the reader wondering what would happen to the end. I understand the word limitations, but would have liked to see how the personalities helped/hurt during those four days "at sea". :)