The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/29/08
Oh...I've been lost before. It's not fun!
I felt like I needed more at the beginning to tell me how they got in that predicament.
Well done. Keep writing.
06/03/08
Ohhh, so scary to get lost! Very engaging story!

I actually think you could have skipped the first bit and jumped right into where they needed to get home and then got lost. That would have given you lots more room to develop the main part of the story of being lost with her cousin.

I loved this line... "Happiness poured over me like honey as I acknowledged the thrill of determining my own destiny in making a choice and sticking to it." I have felt this myself and also landed myself in predicaments because of it... LOL
A well written story with great descriptions. I want to know where the boys were (the rats) and why they left the girls alone. I have to agree with Shirley about, "Happiness poured over me like honey", great writing. Well done Carolyn :-)