The Official Writing Challenge
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What a neat POV! I love that it's the girlfriend watching him and seeing the friendship and fun of an older cousin. This was great and I loved the bit with the brownies and how her hands felt empty. That was very realistic!
Unique slant to the topic. Well written. Loved the characters. Nice job. :)
This is a well-written piece. I enjoy the characters you portrayed. Great and realistic plot!

I guess this can get a ribbon.
Thanks for writing.
Sweet and tender romance, well-written!

Since you asked for critique, I'll suggest that you use less adverbs. It's far better to use stronger verbs that don't require an adverb. That will tighten up your story, and leave you more of those precious 750 words.

You're a very talented writer with huge potential.
Loved the title! Nice and tender romance.

One suggestion: "He herded them into the living room while I waited by the stairs with tinfoil covered brownies looking on in bewilderment." The placement of the phrase "looking on in bewilderment," makes it sound as if the brownies are looking on in bewilderment, rather than the MC.

You could write it: He herded them into the living room while I looked on in bewilderment, waiting by the stairs with my tinfoil covered brownies. Something along those lines.

Other than that, the story is beautifully written. Good work, Cheri
You're an excellent story-writer. Great descriptions and characterization. Like this line: Pigtails bounced against their slender shoulders as they jumped up and down begging for his utmost attention.
I think if you could do a little more variety in your sentence structure. Less noun/verb starting phrases...maybe a few more starting with adverbs or prepositions. That would just take it up a notch. It's already well-written. ;)
Loved the family ties here and how easily the girlfriend was welcomed. Great writing, keep it up.
I don't think you will be in beginners for long if you keep writing like this. Take the advice given to you from other people, and you will definitely keep improving.

This was a great perspective to use for your story. I really felt the love building between the girl and the boy as she saw the love that he had for his family. Great job! Keep on writing! :)
Bravo! I agree with Josh, you're not going to be in beginners for long with entries like this.

I really enjoyed the introduction to the girls, I thought that was very well done. My only nit is that the basketball usually doesn't "swoosh" when it hits the rim (but I guess it could) :)

Excellent work and keep writing I look forward to your future pieces and hope this does very well!