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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Cousin(s) (05/22/08)

TITLE: My Cousin the Queen
By Edmond Ng


I am a Jew, and I am a captive in exile in Susa. My uncle and aunt had died, and I am bringing up their daughter, Hadassah, my little cousin.

During exile, under the reign of King Ahasuerus, one of the king's men, Haman, plotted to kill my people, so I went as far as the king's gate clothed in sackcloth, fasting, weeping, and wailing. My cousin, Hadassah, who has become the queen, heard what I was doing and ordered Hathach, the king's eunuch who was appointed to attend to her, to find out what was troubling me, so I told him all that had happened, and the exact amount that Haman had promised to pay to the king's treasuries for the destruction of the Jews. I had also given Hathach a copy of the edict issued in Susa for the Jew's destruction, and requested him to show it to the queen to inform her to go and implore the king's favor and plead for her people.

My cousin, however, replied through a relayed message brought to me by Hathach the eunuch.

"All the king's servants and the people of the king's provinces know that for any man or woman who comes to the king to the inner court without being summoned, there is but one law, that the person be put to death unless the king holds out his golden scepter and grant the person favor!"

When I heard these words from my cousin the queen, I became angry and told Hathach to relay a reply to her.

"Do not imagine that you in the king's palace can escape any more than all the Jews. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Jews from another place and you and your father's house will perish."

Soon afterwards, I received another message from my cousin.

"Go, assemble all the Jews who are found in Susa and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my maidens will also fast in the same way, and I will go to the king even though it is not according to the law, and if I perish, I perish."

So on the third day, my cousin went to the inner court of the king's palace and stood in front of the king's rooms. When the king saw his queen standing in the court, she obtained favor in the king's sight and the king extended his golden scepter to her.

Over the next two days, my cousin began to unfold step by step the plans of Haman to kill her people, and finally through investigations and confirmation of Haman's crime against the Jews, Haman was hanged on the gallows prepared for me by him, and the king's anger eventually subsided.

I, Mordecai, the son of Jair, the son of Shimei, the son of Kish, a Benjamite, am therefore grateful to God for His deliverance, both my life and His people's lives, and I thank Him for my cousin Hadassah, who is Esther the queen.

Esther 2:7 (NAS)
He [Mordecai] was bringing up Hadassah, that is Esther, his uncle's daughter, for she had no father or mother. Now the young lady was beautiful of form and face, and when her father and her mother died, Mordecai took her as his own daughter.

NOTE: The dialogue and story in this article has been adapted from the Book of Esther, New American Standard Bible.

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This article has been read 958 times
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Sara Harricharan 05/29/08
Esther's story is one of my favorites! This was good, but I wished for a little more! I wanted to get right into the whole thick of the story and to see exactly what he thought about Esther. I loved that it was from His POV! Good job! ^_^
Marlene Austin05/29/08
Nice slant on the topic. Good job. :)
Andrea Hargrove05/30/08
Great idea, having the story from Mordecai's POV instead of Esther's, but you could have fleshed him out a little more.
Sharlyn Guthrie06/02/08
This is a great story for the topic, and you did it well. I think it could be strengthened further by projecting more emotion from the characters, rather than focusing on re-telling the story. This is a wonderful piece. Keep up the great work.
Debbie Wistrom06/02/08
I love the Bible stories retold and you did well on this one. I love these two characters.
Jan Ackerson 06/02/08
A great idea--it's always good to look at familiar Bible stories from a new POV.

As long as you're being creative, though, you might as well go all the way, and give him a life "outside the story". Show us his living quarters, let him eat a meal, have him stumble and tear a robe--anything to flesh it out a bit.

You're a good writer, and I strongly encourge you to keep up the good work.
Joshua Janoski06/03/08
This was very good! I think adding a bit more dialogue to it would make this already good story even better. I enjoy seeing fresh perspectives on classic Bible stories. Good writing. Keep it up.
Beckie Stewart06/04/08
Liked your approach to this topic. You wrote this well.
Cheri Hardaway 06/04/08
The mechanics of your writing is nearly perfect. Nice job.

I would also like to see Mordecai "fleshed out" a bit, less "re-telling" and more "showing." Draw your readers into Mordecai's life in ways they have never considered. It would make his unique POV even more compelling.

Keep up the good work! Blessings, Cheri
LauraLee Shaw06/04/08
I really liked your POV. Refreshing take on the topic.
Shirley McClay 06/04/08
I wondered if anyone would write about Mordecai and Esther! So cool.
LaNaye Perkins06/05/08
I like the way you brought this bible story to life. Keep up the great work!