The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/22/08
Very good writing here. You tied it together very well in your ending paragraph, too. I was pulling for the little pup, so glad she lived!
Laury
05/24/08
You certainly had me pulling for the little puppy, too. I'm so glad she lived and has had a happy and fun life living with your family!
05/26/08
This was well written. I was grateful this story had a happy ending.
05/26/08
I loved this, and it kept me rooting for Gretel to survive. (I nursed my latest "Dogzilla" back to life from whooping cough when she was a wee little pup.)
I like the title, but it reveals a bit too much. From the title alone, I knew that your puppy was going to fall deathly ill but survive. Just omitting the "from" could add a bit of mystery.
Still loved it...great piece.
05/26/08
Phew.. I was sure the pup was going to die! Good job... you kept me hanging on every word.. love the nail polish idea!
05/26/08
Your dialog is great here. You told a complete and touching story in so few words. Keep writing.
05/26/08
Great that you included good information concerning the deadly Parvo virus. Nicely done. :)
05/27/08
Very good story, especiallly in the interactions with the puppies in the beginning half or so.

I thought the last paragraph fizzled a bit--since the story is really about the puppy, there's no need to summarize at the end. Leave us with the healthy puppy, perhaps wagging its little rear end.

I could just picture these little cuties!
05/27/08
Excellent story. We lost a puppy to parvovirus, so I was fearful Gretel wasn't going to make it. Glad it turn out well. Isn't it strange how animals become part of the family so quickly? Thanks for sharing.
05/28/08
I enjoyed your interesting story and was glad the little puppy survived.
05/28/08
Great job of building suspense - I was definitely pulling for that poor puppy!

The thing that stuck out to me was the first paragraph - it seemed a bit long. I probably would have broken it up into a couple, or maybe even three, paragraphs instead. I also agree about the title giving too much away.

Otherwise, I was completely engaged in this one. Very nicely done, Beckie!
05/28/08
Great story Beckie, great details and flow. You did a great job of building the stress to the climax.
I think "Miraculously, she survived." could have been left out and then transitioned to the paragraph about her newfound health and enthusiasm. That would have shown me the miracle rather than told me the miracle. Not sure if that makes sense.
All in all an excellent entry. I really enjoyed it.
05/28/08
Good writing - heart warming story. Loved the action as it moved from beginning to end - you did a great job telling the story!
05/28/08
Oh, I'm so glad that Gretel survived! I was rooting for her all the way! I wanted her to be okay and everything to work out all right, the ending paragraph was just right! ^_^
05/28/08
Great story, and so glad the pup made it! You built suspense well. I think you had a good balance between "showing" and "telling." If I were to suggest anything to make it better, I might have started the story at the point discovering the pup had Parvo, and then flashing back to its acquisition into the family; then bring us back to the present and the happy news that Gretel made it! Hope that makes sense. Blessings, Cheri
05/29/08
You had me on the edge of my seat towards the end. I'm so glad that the dog survived! I think this is one of your best entries so far. Keep on writing. :)
05/29/08
Congratulations on taking 7th place in your level with this piece, Beckie!