The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 438 times
Member Comments
I was immediately captured by your first paragraph as it set not only the general context but also vibrated with emotion that only could be expressed with Sheba. I'd challenge you to go with the specifics of that scene instead of stepping back from it into more general information with the following paragraphs. Showing the details of it, engaging the reader in the emotional swirls, would express everything you talked about without you having to explain. I especially liked the phrase "spill my tears in her silky black coat." The verb choice and adjectives--something about it, anyway--touches something deep in me.
Even your prose was written with a poetic style. You know how to use words to show emotion.
Twice you said "scares" when I think you meant "scars".
Good writing. well done.
Very touching story. I liked the prose at the end. Well done.