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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: In-Law(s) (05/08/08)

TITLE: It's My Day.....Look at Me
By Beckie Stewart
05/10/08


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The alarm didn’t awaken me this morning. There wasn’t any need for it. At the first shimmer of daylight my eyes opened. I waited until seven before rising and running my bath water. I filled the tub with bubbles and settled in for a long, relaxing soak. No need to rush. I had plenty of time.

I have no idea how long my body had enjoyed the warm water, but it was long enough for it to prune. I still needed to wash and fix my hair. With thick curly hair, this chore is time-consuming. It was crucial that my hair looked perfect today. It took my normal hour to blow it dry and make sure each piece fell properly around my face.

By the time I finished no one else in the apartment had stirred yet. I glanced at the time and realized there were still too many hours left, and I was almost ready. I wanted to crawl back into bed, but knew that would mess up the masterpiece I had just created on my head.

Trying to be considerate of those still sleeping, I went to the kitchen to prepare some breakfast for myself. What was I in the mood to eat? I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to work for my meal or just dump some cereal in a bowl. My stomach did a jig, and my decision was made. Cereal would be the best choice. By the time I finished I finally heard the other girls stirring.

“Does anyone want to go to church with me?” I asked them.

“Are you kidding,” my friend asked.

“You are going to church on your wedding day,” my soon-to-be sister-in-law inquired.

“I’ve got time to kill. The wedding isn’t until two. I need something to do until then.”

They opt to stay behind while I attended Sunday School and church. When I returned, I was greeted with two extremely unhappy attendants. Jeanna, my fiancé’s sister, was lying on the couch looking like a truck had just hit her.

“The toilet is clogged,” Luann announced.

“What?” I rushed to the bathroom and was instantly assaulted with an aroma that twisted my insides and promised to send the undigested part of my breakfast swirling to the floor. “Gross!” I squealed with disgust.

“I would have gone next door to make my deposit at the bank,” Jeanna said, “But they are closed on Sundays.”

The three of us immediately giggled, and I sensed the tension seeping out of my body. We did have a dilemma, but I called a friend who quickly sent her husband over to rectify our situation.

My new sister-in-law-to-be remained unmoved from the couch and though I was getting annoyed at her, I tried to remain kind.

“I don’t feel good,” Jeanna said. “I have really bad cramps.”

“Oh man. Do you always have this problem at this time of month?”

“It’s not that,” she said.

“You mean, you are getting sick,” I asked, totally disgusted that she had chosen my wedding day to get sick. I was sure she just wanted some attention. She got it, too. Everyone was keeping their eyes on her and wanted to know if she was okay.

When we finally made it to the reception, my new husband danced with his mother, and then she made the decision to take Jeanna back to the apartment. I tried not to let their absence irritate me, but I was failing miserably. It was my special day, and I wanted everyone’s undivided attention. Today was supposed to be about me.

When my husband and I arrived back at our apartment to remove our wedding garb and grab our suitcases, we were welcomed with a note.

“At the hospital with Jeanna. Love, Mom.”

Guilt immediately flooded my heart. We pulled into the hospital just before they wheeled my sister-in-law into surgery. Her appendix had burst. It would take her months to fully recover from the poison that had spread into her body.

When the pictures from our wedding day finally came, I was amazed to see how happy and healthy Jeanna looked in them. She made sure, despite her pain, that every picture focused on the new bride and not on her. She wanted it to be all about me.


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This article has been read 453 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Sara Harricharan 05/15/08
ouch..so sad for Jenna. But I loved the last paragraph where the MC realized that she'd done her best to make it all about her, the bride. Neat, this was good with the descriptions and especially showing that everything doesn't always go 'perfectly' but that doesn't mean that it doesn't turn out right. Good job. ^_^
Laury Hubrich 05/16/08
This was very well-written. I love your mixture of humor and description. Great job!
Laury
Lyn Churchyard05/18/08
Well written, love the little humorous bits like - "I have no idea how long my body had enjoyed the warm water, but it was long enough for it to prune" Now that is my kind of bath. Nice job on the topic. Well done.
Jan Ackerson 05/18/08
How funny--my daughter's toilet clogged on her wedding morning, too!
Joanne Sher 05/18/08
This was very realistic, and a very good transition from one "attitude" to the next. Enjoyed this, Beckie!
LaNaye Perkins05/18/08
This was a really good read and I loved the transitions of the MC's moods. Well done.
Debbie Wistrom05/19/08
You had so much going on and it all worked to show the way a day can go.

True emotions well written, keep up the good words.
Marita Thelander 05/19/08
Well done, Beckie. Good discriptions and you tied it all up so well in 750 words.
Joshua Janoski05/20/08
I thought that you did a wonderful job with this. You really made me laugh, especially the part about leaving a deposit at the bank if they hadn't been closed.

I think this is a well written story, and I hope you place high this week. :)
Mariane Holbrook05/21/08
What a funny story! Your descriptions are perfect and I hope you place high with this one!!!
Dee Yoder 05/21/08
Well-written and very funny! The dialogue in this is quite natural and readable and I really enjoyed the characters. Love the end, too, where the MC finds that her new SIL really did try to give the wedding day to the bride. Very nice!
Glynis Becker 05/21/08
Great dialogue especially, but I love it all.
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/21/08
Excellently done--I see you moving up soon.
Pamela Kliewer05/21/08
I like this. I could really see all as it was happening. Your sense of humor is great. :) One thing: there are a couple of places where question marks should have been used rather than commas.
Aaron Morrow05/21/08
Well done Beckie! You suprised me at the end, setting me up quite well to think your sis-in-law was being the center of attention. I hope this places high!
A couple of thoughts: I think italics would have been great to emphasize some of the thoughts. And I think there were some descriptions that could have been been shared as italicized thoughts as well.
Excellent work and great humor! Keep 'em coming!
Joy Faire Stewart05/21/08
Excellent MC voice and I love the humor. Perfect last paragraph with the change of attitude.
Joanne Sher 05/23/08
Congratulations, Beckie, on placing eighth in your level with this piece. Great job!
Betsy Markman05/23/08
Well written and enjoyable.


   
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