The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/08/08
Wow - I never knew twinkies could cause so much drama. I thought this was very well-written. The entire time I was reading, I was wondering where the gravel would come in. You finally revealed it at the end.
Loved this family story. Brings back memories of a broken peanut butter jar, put back on the shelf...
You did a wonderful job with the Scripture tie in as well.

I'd like to see a ribbon awarded to this entry.
05/09/08
Such an entertaining story!

Be careful of comma usage/misusage. It can chop up a story or let it run on if they aren't placed properly. Also, watch for words being used as adverbs...they usually need an -ly tacked on the end.

Highly enjoyable tale...my sisters and I have our own torrid tales of non-confession!
Very nicely written and very engaging, from start to finish. You brought back many memories of my seven sisters and brothers and no one stepping up to confess. And yes, we all got it! Loved the description of your father's belts all coiled in a draw, "...positioned to strike and the bite promised to be fierce". Loved that line. The belt we got hit with was called Lord Windsor. It was funny and interesting. My favorite part was the end. Got to be honest, I didn't expect your confession. Good job.
05/10/08
Good title! I liked how you interspersed the dialogue throughout your story. I could feel the dread of Dad coming home to investigate and getting the belt out.
Well written!
05/15/08
You've got to love "plop dropping." Made me laugh and laugh. There are five siblings in my family and I can recall very similar situations. Never would have thought to creativily write about Twinkies though. Well done and well deserved recognition. Congratulations!
05/15/08
Congratulations on your 2nd place. This is a very entertaining story. Nice job with the topic.