Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Sibling(s) (05/01/08)

TITLE: Twinkie Gravel
By Julie Paulsen
05/07/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

"Twinkies was the best darn-tootin' idea I ever had."
Jimmy Dewar, Twinkie inventor

My family agreed! Twinkies were a little taste of Heaven all wrapped up in cellophane. Once opened, the familiar blue and white box emptied quickly. Mom tried freezing them, thinking that would discourage us from snitching the cream filled treats reserved for sack lunches. That’s how we discovered a Twinkie was the perfect summer indulgence, cool and refreshing. Mom always said the five of us had exceptional “sniffers”, able to uncover the most cleverly hidden goodies.

How many Twinkies can five kids eat? My siblings and I could easily put away two boxes a day. Let’s figure this out. Ten Twinkies to a box, five kids, that makes four Twinkies apiece, each day. Yes, that’s doable! However, Mom brought home one box each week; that meant only two per child, for the whole week! That’s not doable.

I suppose Mom had reached her limit with food bandits one day as she let loose with her loudest voice. Echoing throughout the house came, “Okay, everyone in the living room! Now!” Younger sister, Julie and I were in our bedroom. “Oh, oh, somebody’s going to get it”, she stated with eyes rolling and dread in her voice. We both knew that Mom wouldn’t let this lie, not until whatever irritated her was settled.

Three younger brothers, sister and I straggled into the living room. Plop dropping onto the couches we silently waited for Mom to give her reason for this convocation. Her red face and puckered lips indicated somebody was in serious trouble for something. We didn’t wait long to hear, “who ate some Twinkies?” The room was silent as the five of looked at each other shrugging shoulders, shaking our heads and making expressions that said, “not me!”

“Let me ask again, WHO ATE SOME TWINKIES?” Mom questioned forcefully. This time we spoke. The culprits were, “Not Me!” “I Don’t Know!” and “Maybe, Dad??”

Mom was silent, yet we could tell she was thinking. The three oldest knew what was happening, Mom was planning the second attack. “Okay, let’s ask Dad”, our wise mother replied. Oh, boy, our goose was cooked.

Dad worked a short block away and Mom rarely summoned him home, we all knew how he disliked being interrupted. “Great,” I thought to myself, now we have two angry parents! The five of us sat petrified, knowing we were in deep trouble if somebody didn’t confess soon.

Within minutes we heard the front door open briskly, then Dad’s strong steps coming down the hall. His large frame filled the doorway, as he stood silent, studying each of us separately. Trying to sink into the couch and disappear, his booming voice shook me to the core. Eyeing Mother he bellowed, “Audrey, what’s the problem here!”

Mom promptly reported, “Either ‘Somebody’, ‘I Don’t Know’, or ‘Maybe, Dad’, ate the Twinkies saved for lunches. It wasn’t any of our five children, and they thought it might be you…was it?”

Drawing in a deep breath to hold back his anger, Dad asked, “Donna, did you eat the Twinkies?” “No, Dad”, I replied voice quivering.

“Julie, did you eat the Twinkies?” As tears threatened to spill from her saucer eyes she replied in a soft voice, “No, Dad.”

Three more times this was repeated with John, Jim and Jeff. “No”, “no”, and “no,” were their replies.

“Last chance! I will ask you one…more…time, did any of you eat the Twinkies?” Five “No’s” were given in order of age.

“Okay, line up on the floor, all of you!” Dad roared as he headed for the bedroom.

Through our tears we fearfully and obediently found our place on the floor. We heard the belt drawer open and the rattle of belt buckles. Dad kept his belts in a little drawer, each one coiled up neatly, resembling snakes. Rarely used for punishment, today these snakes were positioned to strike and the bite promised to be fierce.

Within minutes the chastisement was finished, still, no confession. All five took the punishment for the anonymous thief, known only to themselves and God.

Bread obtained by falsehood is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be filled with gravel. Proverbs 20:17 NASB

Twenty years later, when my own children became Twinkie thieves, I finally confessed to my merciful siblings. After twenty years of eating Twinkie gravel, I am free, rejoicing!

Rejoice not in iniquity, but rejoice in the truth. I Corinthians 13:6 NASB


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 365 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Tessy Fuller05/08/08
Wow - I never knew twinkies could cause so much drama. I thought this was very well-written. The entire time I was reading, I was wondering where the gravel would come in. You finally revealed it at the end.
Debbie Wistrom05/08/08
Loved this family story. Brings back memories of a broken peanut butter jar, put back on the shelf...
You did a wonderful job with the Scripture tie in as well.

I'd like to see a ribbon awarded to this entry.
Karin Beery05/09/08
Such an entertaining story!

Be careful of comma usage/misusage. It can chop up a story or let it run on if they aren't placed properly. Also, watch for words being used as adverbs...they usually need an -ly tacked on the end.

Highly enjoyable tale...my sisters and I have our own torrid tales of non-confession!
Leticia Caroccio05/09/08
Very nicely written and very engaging, from start to finish. You brought back many memories of my seven sisters and brothers and no one stepping up to confess. And yes, we all got it! Loved the description of your father's belts all coiled in a draw, "...positioned to strike and the bite promised to be fierce". Loved that line. The belt we got hit with was called Lord Windsor. It was funny and interesting. My favorite part was the end. Got to be honest, I didn't expect your confession. Good job.
Yvonne Blake 05/10/08
Good title! I liked how you interspersed the dialogue throughout your story. I could feel the dread of Dad coming home to investigate and getting the belt out.
Well written!
Lollie Hofer 05/15/08
You've got to love "plop dropping." Made me laugh and laugh. There are five siblings in my family and I can recall very similar situations. Never would have thought to creativily write about Twinkies though. Well done and well deserved recognition. Congratulations!
Sheri Gordon05/15/08
Congratulations on your 2nd place. This is a very entertaining story. Nice job with the topic.