Don’t get me wrong, I adore my brother Jeff, now; but when we were growing up it was another story. He was the baby of the family, and the little brat got away with everything he did to me, and of course being the baby everyone thought it was just so cute and funny. It didn’t take me long though to figure out how to sending him crying to momma. I guess that’s why today he is a natural comedian. Thankfully time and maturity have a way of overcoming oppositions.
We still pick at one anther constantly; it’s a bond and closeness that we share with constant fun. Heaven forbid if I ever told him, but he is a lot funnier than I am. He’s a redneck through and through and proud of it! And this redneck is perfectly capable of entertaining himself.
He drives a semi-truck for a living, the perfect occupation for a redneck jester. Driving down the highway is a lonely business that gives someone like my brother too much time to think up mischief. He’s the type that never misses anything. He’s either hearing something funny on the CB radio or he in-counters something funny, and he just has to call and tell me about it at 2:00 a.m. in the morning. Those are the times I still want to kill him!
Occasionally his wife Tammy, who also has a CDL license, goes with him on long trips. My brother gets bored on long trips. That’s not a good thing. He’d been waiting for just such and opportunity to pull off a prank he had conjured up during one of those lonely nights on the road. It required someone else to drive, so he could sit in the passenger seat.
“Hey Tammy” he said excitedly. “Pull up even with that truck in front of us.
Now when my brother gets excited about something, it’s a sure red flag!
What ever he had up his sleeve, Tammy knew she was in for some redneck trouble.
“What for,” she asked.
“Just do it!” he persuaded.
He reached under the seat and pulled out one of those long necked rubber chickens, which I am sure he bought just for the opportunity of that moment.
Tammy changed to the outside lane and pulled up along side of the other truck, while Jeff was rolling down his window getting prepared.
Now, I have to stop here a moment and make sure you city folks know what a jake break is. It’s the sound a semi makes when he lets off the gas, and this break kicks in with a loud rumble, which slows the truck down without pressing on the main break.
Now back to my story:
Tammy pulled up slow and even with the other driver. Just as she gets even with the truck, My brother grabs this chicken by the neck. Holding it out in front of him and looking at it with intense angry determination, he begins to shake the crap out of it, as if determined to strangle it to death. Just at that same moment the other driver looks over and was completely caught off guard to see some lunatic trying to strangle a rubber chicken. The cigarette falls from his mouth, the jake break kicked in and the driver started falling behind. By this time my brother and his wife are laughing hysterically. They watched the other trucker weave all over the road, frantically trying to find the cigarette he had dropped between his legs. They new when he found it, as the truck straightened up and started picking up speed. No doubt madder than a bear.
Still laughing uncontrollably, my brother looked at Tammy and said, “Put the petal to the metal baby!”
My brother may be a redneck, but he isn’t stupid. As he was telling me this story, he said, “You can only pull something like that off if you’re sure you can out run the other truck!”
He’s infuriating, he’s funny, he’s proud to be a redneck; he’s the life of any party, loyal to his family and so much more. He’s the best brother anyone could ask for and I adore him.
And best of all; I’m so glad God created laughter.
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