The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/06/05
Very nice, especially the description of the picture. But try to remember to use a new paragraph when there is a new speaker.
06/07/05
Good effort. Your story shows definite promise. The idea is great. There are a few grammatical errors but that is something that can be learned quite easily if you are willing.
Also, be careful to watch for voice change. You went from writing from Liz'a perspective to Rachel's, which can be confusing to the reader.
All in all, though, a great effort. I look forward to reading more from you.
Blessings, Lynda
06/08/05
You are a good story teller, this piece shows it. Have a friend peer edit your work before submission and you will see your quality soar.