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Choices. We make them everyday. Most have little impact upon the destiny of our lives, but some significantly alter our lives forever. The decision my husband and I made to adopt our daughter was one of those choices in my life. As a mother of four ranging in ages from12-19 already, the choice to restart our family brought obvious modifications to my lifestyle. My daily routine once again involved diapers, bottles, bibs and eventually potty training. Every trip from the house meant carting along the paraphernalia for caring for a little one or finding a sitter for that cherished alone time. A trip to the theater with a toddler must include popcorn to make it through the entire movie. A meal at a restaurant means high chairs, cups with lids, and an examination of the restroom facilities.
However, with this choice also comes a chance to discover whether I had learned anything from my previous parenting mistakes. What techniques would I use this time to feed my fussy eater? How would I deal with sleeping issues? What action would I take when she broke into a temper tantrum in the grocery store after receiving a “no”? I believed I would be wiser, and was shocked to realize how easy it was for me to cave in to my toddler’s loud outbursts in order to regain my peaceful atmosphere. It quickly dawned on me that this wasn’t going to be any easier the second time around. I still had a lot to learn, but was fortunate to have a husband who was stronger than me in this area. He said “no” and stuck to it, and she survived.
Remembering how quickly the years had passed, I did find that with a baby in my life, my world was filled with uninhibited cuddles, kisses, and hugs again. What a joy it has been to watch a shy, reserved infant blossom into a bubbling, outgoing toddler. How special to have your child, who did not even understand your language, one day look at you and say, “I wuv you, mommy.” Renewed in me was the excitement and delight of having a small child around the house with all the cute ways they say and do things.
If all of that was not enough to adjust my outlook on life, the Lord is using this child to solidify in my heart what it truly means to love my children and to be loved by Him. One of the biggest issues I struggled with prior to adoption was the fear that I may not love my adopted child as much as my biological children. I found myself unable to share this fear with anyone but the Lord. I did find it discussed in some books and magazines, but not a lot.
After months of collecting all the necessary paperwork and waiting for information on an available child for us to adopt, we received a picture and short biography about a little girl from Kazakhstan, who was waiting for a forever family. The moment her picture came up on my computer, my heart pounded with excitement. I found my feelings for her were just like the day I gave birth to my other children. I knew I would give my life for this child as well.
In that realization it finally made sense to me how much my Heavenly Father loved me when He adopted me into His family. I can now confidently say like Paul did in Romans 8:38-39 that I am absolutely persuaded that nothing can separate me from the love that the Father has for me. It did not matter whether my daughter had been born from my womb or not. She is my daughter, and I am her mother. Biological or adoption, being a mommy to a child is born in the heart not in the belly.
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