The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
05/01/08
I really enjoyed this its very different, but so true!
Alot of mothers feel this way and I'm sure you will help alot of mothers on there!
Great scriptures it went great with what you were feeling! Keep Writing, and stay encouraged that she is a special gift from God, some people want children so badly and can't have any.
05/02/08
Very creative twist at the end.

Though the dialog was good, I felt as if some descriptive setting would have given me a little more connection to the characters. It's probably just a personal preference, though.

Your story had a great message and I thank you for sharing.
Nice surprise at the end. I didn't see it coming, thinking the topic already stitched in tight with the discussion about the mother wanting to help the daughter more. I also liked the tie in to scripture and felt the message of the story to be truly worthwhile.

If you see suggestions in the yellow boxes about how to improve your story it is only because your writing is of such quality that your readers want to see you excell even more. :)

With that in mind, I offer one small hint for what it is worth: the narration will flow more naturally if you use actions for dialogue tags rather than a 'he said, she said.' Your reader can easily pick up on who is speaking if you name the person, tell body position, action, or facial expression.

Thanks for this carefully prepared piece. Blessings.

05/03/08
What a nice surprise at the end! What a wise mom.
I suggest that you only break your dialog when the next person speaks...unless, of course, one person has a long 'speech'. Then break it with action or with unfinished quote marks to indicate the same speaker. The tags were a little distracting from your story.
It's a great blessing to be mother, even though we can never be perfect.