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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Mother (as in maternal parent) (04/24/08)

TITLE: Tell Me No Lies
By May Flowers
04/25/08


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Tell Me No Lies


“You still believe in Santa Claus?” my brother mocked and laughed.

I stared at Mom, caught in the act of filling a stocking. She laughed, and then stopped. Her smile became a glare as she snapped, “Jerry, that’s enough.”

The Christmas tree, twinkling lights, and presents seemed to be mocking me too, as I hurried past them. I would not give Jerry the satisfaction of seeing me cry. Frantically wrestling with the humiliation and confusion, my mind screamed what I could never say.

You lied. You beat it into us never to lie. What else did you lie about, Mom?

As the youngest, I saw the harsh and often cruel punishments dealt by Mom, when my siblings lied or disobeyed. To avoid punishment, I determined to be good and not lie. I discovered that good, was never good enough. My desperate need to believe Mom made it impossible to question anything she said, including about Santa. She simply would never lie.

Flinging myself onto my bed, I smothered anguished sobs with a pillow, as disbelief turned into anger.

Mom, why did you lie?

______________


I felt wonderful. I had turned sixteen and that day I felt older and the feelings of maturity extended spiritually. It was two years since I began my walk with Christ. Smiling, I walked happily into our kitchen.

“It’s weird, Mom. I feel older today, more mature.”

Moving from the counter where she had been peeling potatoes, Mom sat down rather quickly on her kitchen chair. She seemed troubled.

“That’s really good. I need to tell you some things. I want you to know that when you were growing up, I always had to leave the kitchen when you were there. I hated you so much. I left to keep from stabbing you with the butcher knife. I need you to know I don’t feel that anymore. I no longer want to kill you.” Mom stayed seated, her finger tapping the table, her face emotionless.

My mouth gaping, I struggled to comprehend what she said. “I’m glad,” seemed pitiful, but the absolute shock overwhelmed, allowing nothing more. My mind moved in slow motion, numb. To avoid her stare, I glanced at the counter. It seemed a cruel irony when I noticed the butcher knife lying beside the potatoes. Feelings exploded within me, repugnant thoughts engulfing my mind, as choking bile stung my throat.

Mom has always wanted me dead. She hated me, wanted to kill me, stab me.

I needed to escape the kitchen, get away from Mom. A forced smile allowed the desperate retreat to my bedroom. No longer mature, but a child again, I was fully unnerved. The imagery and horror that overwhelmed my mind equaled my sense of revulsion and rejection, completely submerging me. I was drowning in a sea of emotion and unwanted questions.

Did she sit down because she still feels that way? Is that why she always yelled, and was so mean? Why did she tell me now? Why did it take her two years since accepting Christ to stop those feelings? She never loved me. Why?

Oh, Father, please help me.

______________


“I love you,” was ringing in my mind as I hung up. I had just endured a long and emotional conversation with Mom, unloading with difficulty, all the baggage I had padlocked away. At twenty-eight, I had been wrestling with memories that I thought were gone, but God knew better.

Drained, I had waited uncertainly for Mom to speak.

Please, tell me no more lies, Mom,I pleaded.

For the first time that I could remember, Mom finally said, “I love you.”

I needed those words, and hung onto them the same way I had gripped the phone. Inwardly, I struggled to believe her.

Lies, abuse, and fear had been in abundance in our unforgiving home. The memories and images flashed as if from yesterday. Mom’s lies, her hatred of me, the desire to eliminate me, to kill me, to stab me, all threatened to consume me.

“Lord, please take it all from me,” I prayed, tears pouring down my burning cheeks.

Exhausted, I went into the living room and collapsed onto the couch, my eyes red and swollen. Pulling our children close, I whispered, “I love you.”

Hearing, “Love you, Mommy,” from each, soothed my aching heart. As we cuddled, my husband’s soft, “I love you,” brought a contented smile and prayer.

Thank you Father, for giving me a family where love has blossomed, and is not a lie.*



****
John 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free… 36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed. (KJB)

1John 2:21 I have not written unto you because ye know not the truth, but because ye know it, and that no lie is of the truth. Ephesians 5:9 (For the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness and righteousness and truth;) (KJB)

Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (KJB)


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This article has been read 436 times
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Sara Harricharan 05/01/08
Ohhh my! This is sad to see the mother in this story. Even though she eventually seemed to come to terms with whatever haunted her, the scars are still left. I was glad for the MC at the end to be surrounded by love from her own little family. You put a lot into this-nice job. ^_^
Janice Fitzpatrick05/02/08
Whoa! If this is a true account I am sorry for all that you went through. Very emotional and touching! I like the ending as the daughter has comfort and is healing through love from her hubby and children of her own. Thank you for sharing this. Lord bless you.
Randy Somers05/04/08
Good catch for the opening paragraph. Made me want to finish the story. Not all stories need to be sweet and nice w/ a happy ending. Life needs to be told as it is.
Lyn Churchyard05/05/08

What a well told story. I felt so much for your MC. How sad to find all that out on her birthday. I sure hope it isn't a true story.

What a blessing her family is, it just proves God's eternal love and the promise in Joel chapter 2
"I will make up to you for the years
that the swarming locust has eaten",

Well done, excellent entry.


LauraLee Shaw05/05/08
This is extremely well-written, and it built up to the perfect conclusion. It must have been difficult for the MC to hear those words from her mother. The quotes mixed with the thoughts were very well placed and effective. Your message of hope and healing at the end is one more scarred mothers need to hear.
Myrna Noyes05/06/08
Oh, this is a wrenching story! You did an excellent job of portraying the anguish and turmoil of the MC. I am so glad she was finally experiencing healing. There is a message of hope here to encourage others with painful family memories. Thank you for sharing this story.
Jan Ackerson 05/06/08
Wow, that middle section really tears at one's heart!
Debbie Wistrom05/06/08
Wow, you dealt raw emotion and I want to fold. I felt for your mc and could feel my heart sink each time hers did.
Wonderful telling of an awful story.

Blessings.
Joanne Sher 05/06/08
Excellent display of emotion. This is so heartwrenching.
Joshua Janoski05/06/08
I loved your ending. This story is a sad reality for many, and I am glad that God provides good families for many of those who come from broken and messed up homes.

Thank you for sharing this gripping story.
Marlene Austin05/07/08
Moving account of this mother/daughter relationship. I am so glad the MC was able to hear her mother say she loved her. Enjoyed the comparisons like - hung on to the words the same way she gripped the phone.
Nice job with such an emotional piece. :)
Joy Faire Stewart05/07/08
You have written a very emotional and heartbreaking account. It had to have been difficult and you expressed it perfectly for your reader to feel the pain. So, so sad and tender. And the last paragraph is perfect.