The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/24/08
Children have a knack for innocently bringing out deep thoughts about God, Jesus, and all of the things of Christianity we adults often don't even think about! What a nice idea; Jesus as an uncle! Very nice story, that brought a smile to my face today.
04/25/08
Hi: The title got me right away. Great read I have grandsons so I relate to little ones questions. Lots of fun to read. Good luck. Thank you for sharing.I really like the ending. Well written.
04/26/08
Neat idea for a story. Nice job putting your thoughts together.

This was a good story and if you choose to do anything with it in the future, you may want to have someone proof-read it for you so that the wording does not take away from the meaning of the story. An example would be the subject verb agreement where it says, "Bill and Tom, who is..." Because your subject is plural, it should be, "Bill and Tom, who are..." In that same paragraph the tense does not agree as when referring to the sons' age you use the present tense, but when referring to the daughter's age you use the past tense. Also, make sure to use question marks in questions, and capitalize proper names.

Great story here and I'm sure that as you continue to write you will continue to capture our attention! Also, great title. There was no way to pass up reading a story with that title!
Great Title. It drew me in. I've had similar experiences that left me a little cold. You have allowed your creative to direct you, good. When we allow the critical and grammar to smother the creative we can lose the essence of our tale.
A proof reader can be the answer but do not allow the critical to spoil your story.
04/28/08
Out of the mouths of Babes indeed. You wrote Mary’s words as though they had just come from a five-year-old. I have very little experience with Uncles, and prefer the baser analogy of brother. There was one word in this story that confused me. You gave the girl the name Mary, normally fine but when the title is Uncle Jesus it muddles the brain. Divine relationships are hard enough without Jesus’ Earthly mother sticking her name in.