The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
06/07/05
Good attempt at retelling the scene at the tomb that Easter morning. My advice would be to lengthen the piece and give it more character. Maybe more descriptive details of what you think Mary must have been feeling that morning, instead of just retelling the story in a factual way. Think of a new aspect and expand on it, such as why Mary possibly thought Jesus was the gardener. "Show, don't tell" advice has been given to many, many writers. I think that is what you need here. Instead of just relaying facts, maybe try to "show" the scene with more description and feeling.
Keep writing!
Blessings, Lynda
06/09/05
What a wonderful story to retell and in a creative way. A little work and you are on your way.
06/10/05
A nice start - it could be expanded a bit..