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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Easter (05/30/05)

TITLE: The Tooth Decay Conspiracy
By Michelle Burkhardt
06/05/05


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The Tooth Decay Conspiracy

When is a Dentist’s favorite time of the year? Nope, it is not Easter. The most lucrative time of year is September because a cavity takes approximately 6 months to appear on, that zap of radiation they call, an X-ray. For this reason, the American Association of Dentistry recommends that children and adults have their teeth examined and cleaned twice a year. The first visit is to fill those cavities and the second visit is to make sure you did not, carelessly, lose that filling while eating an Easter Peep, a sticky, lump of sugar that resembles a warped baby chick. I have often wondered why I see our dentist more than I see my (all men, please close your eyes) Gynecologist. Hence, I set out on a mission to answer this question and now I think that I have finally unlocked the mystery of tooth decay. (Come a little closer now and listen very carefully) Dentists across western civilization have a secret alliance with……The Easter Bunny.

The Easter Bunny, alias: Peter Cottontail, is famous for delivering a horde of candy every year to our naïve children. He sneaks into neighborhoods and places an Easter basket inside every home for every child. The baskets are brilliantly designed with colorful pastel colors of baby blue, petal pink, mellow yellow and grassy green to instantly grasp the attention of our little teeny-boppers when they first wake-up in the morning. We all know, according to Bill Cosby, that chocolate is the perfect meal for breakfast…NOT! Hence, we loving; yet, frustrated parents try not to burst these little ones’ bubbles and peacefully inform those dear, sweet, innocent faces that they may have a piece of candy after eating a nutritious breakfast.

Wait! Here it comes, the calm before the storm! Those once precious little gifts from God turn into Dr. Jeckel’s other persona, Mr. Hyde, and demand candy NOW! Thankfully, our Lord has given us a complete instructional guide for such matters. Proverbs 13:24 states, “If you do not punish your children, you don’t love them, but if you love your children, you will correct them.”(New Century Version) Thus, as our hearts break into two parts, we take away the candy as a consequence to their unruly behavior and direct them to sit for time-out. While under our breath we are cursing Peter, in of course a Christian way, for causing such a hectic morning.

Later, as our half-pints return to their adorable selves, we allow them to have only ONE piece of candy from their baskets. They joyfully un-wrap the foiled treat and suck it down like it was the last morsel on Earth. A light, “Sigh” escapes through our lips because we know that we are financially contributing to those pearly, white, straight teeth, professional pockets with our hard earned insurance money.

Consequently, we have already passed the Easter holiday and even though this information of a surreptitious pact between these two sly characters may be a day late and a dollar short. A final piece of advice: When your child is sitting in that oversized, dental, lounge chair with his or her mouth opened wide, simply remember that famous song, “Jesus loves the little children”….even with fillings.


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This article has been read 776 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lynda Lee Schab 06/07/05
Excellent writing with a touch of humor - loved it! And the title is great too (I love a great title) I actually didn't know that was the reason we're supposed to go to the dentist twice a year. Hmmm. Learn something new every day. LOL
I noticed only a couple of grammatical errors but your talent is evident. I think you should definitely move up to the Intermediate level. Well done!
Blessings, Lynda
dub W06/08/05
The title drew me in, pretty good writing, you might have someone look over your essays, before posting, to insure grammar and glitches are taken care of.
Elaine Little06/09/05
Great title grabber and very cute article. I will read you again.
Linda Germain 06/09/05
Cute. I was thinkng the other tooth checking time might be in April, which is 6 months after that "H" day to which I choose not to give any credence; but nevertheless, it is filled with sugar and is in October.:0)
Shari Armstrong 06/10/05
I loved this -and I think you may be right...... :)
Sandra Petersen 06/11/05
What a wonderful humorous piece! Is that the reason we had to get a loan for my husband and my dental work this year? Very, very clever writing!