My day started out just like any other Monday. I started a load of wash, had my daily devotional, ate breakfast and then showered. Little did I know that later in the day I would have an adventure at the grocery store.
I picked out a pair of black slacks and a matching sweater. I pulled the super duper pair of support hose from my dresser and sat on the edge of my bed, on my husband’s side and began the arduous task of pulling the things on. I hate wearing them but they are slenderizing and I can use all the help in that department I can get.
After much pulling and sweating I finally had them on. I finished dressing and slipped into my favorite pair of black shoes. It is said that black is slenderizing and I wanted to look slender all the way to my feet.
On the way out the door I took one last look at myself and thought, “Not too bad, for an over weight, over the hill, but still young at heart chick.” I gave a little chuckle and headed to the car.
Driving to the store I was singing praises to the Lord along with the radio and just feeling really good about myself.
I parked, got out of my car and grabbed a shopping cart on my way into the store. I figured this would save someone else the trouble of bringing it in. I was in awe at how good I felt about myself.
“Maybe I’ve lost a few pounds.” I thought. This put a big smile on my face because I had been trying to lose some weight lately.
“Hi, Mrs. B, how are you today?” asked Charles the sack boy.
“I’m fine as frog hair.” I answered.
“That must be pretty fine, cause I never noticed that frog’s have hair.” He laughed. “If I can help you with anything just let me know.”
“I will.” I said as I sucked in my tummy and pulled my shoulders back. “Walk with confidence.” I told myself.
Walking down the produce aisle I spotted a beautiful watermelon on the floor. “Hmmm, watermelon.” I whispered. As I bent down to give it a thump to check for ripeness it felt as if something was biting me on my inner thigh. Quickly I stood and taking hold of my pants leg I gave it a good shake. I looked on the floor to see if perhaps a bug fell to the floor. Nothing. Standing still for a moment I didn’t feel anything else so I moved on down the aisle.
Turning the corner at the canned goods aisle I felt it again. “What in the world?” I thought. Again I took hold of the pant leg and gave it a good hard shake. Again nothing fell out, but it did seem to be moving down my leg, biting me every so often.
Charles was sitting on a crate while he was stocking the shelves.
“Charles, Charles!” I said racing toward him. “Bathroom, quick! Where is it?”
“Mrs. B. are you alright?” He asked, panic in his eyes.
“Yes.” I said trying to calm my voice. “I just need the bathroom, where is it?”
“Right through those swinging doors and to the left.” He said indicating with his hand.
“Thank you.” I said as I walked as quickly as possible to the back busting through the double doors.
“Don’t panic, don’t panic.” I kept saying to myself.
Once in the bathroom, down came the pants and the panty hose. Expecting to see a humongous flesh-eating bug of some kind. Imagine my shock when I discovered…a toenail! That’s right a toenail. My wonderful husband, the father of my beautiful children had failed to pick up his nails when he clipped them the night before.
At first I was disgusted and a little aggravated at him. And then it hit me, I laughed so hard and loud that no doubt people wondered what in the world was so funny.
The Bible says that laughter is good medicine, and boy, did I get a good dose that day!
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