Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Father (as in paternal parent, not God) (04/10/08)

TITLE: Look At Me Daddy
By Michelle Roufley
04/16/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Straw colored hair blowing straight back in the wind,
Airborne on thundering hooves,
Her heart surging wildly
Refusing to calm down.
"Look at me Daddy."

The virtuoso of the show,
A bloomed peony in tights and tutu.
An enduring ovation just for her.
Her swollen chest erupting with happiness.
"Look at me Daddy."

Primped and pampered, taking delight in detail.
Making her beauty glisten.
The Monarch of the Prom.
Enchanting in her royalty.
"Look at me Daddy."

Bedecked in white, to embark on a new life.
Golden curls on the verge of her veiled face.
Floating on his arm down the aisle.
He kisses her adieu on a rouged cheek.
"Look at me Daddy."

A precious babe in her arms.
Love in her eyes.
Cherishing the moments,
Reveling in happiness.
"Look at me Daddy"

A dream in a young girl’s head.
A Cinderella never coming up from the ashes.
Broken courage, lost hope.
He was only a voice on the end of the phone,
never seeing, she’d never say
"Look at me Daddy"


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 504 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dee Yoder 04/17/08
Oh my goodness-I need a Kleenex. This is a beautiful poem from beginning to end. I love the construction of the verses and the parade through a beautiful life, only to find at the end that this is a life story in which the dad misses out on everything! The heart of the girl/woman shows through and her grief on what she missed from him is clear and vivid at the end. You did an excellent job of disguising the surprise twist at the bottom of the poem.
Corinne Smelker 04/18/08
One word: AWESOME!!

I am not sure why you are Beginners because this is not the work of an amateur. Truly excellent - you have the mechanics of poetry, the flow and rhythm down, and then you were able to create a word picture that blew me away.

Well done.
Lisa Holloway04/18/08
This is very good. I'm not sure I quite get the last stanza (probably it's just me!), but generally gripping. You had me from the title.
Jan Ackerson 04/20/08
This is masterful!
Holly Westefeld04/24/08
Michelle, congratulations on your highly commended!
I agree with Jan. Not only masterful, but haunting, with outstanding imagery. Two of my favorites are:
"A bloomed peony in tights and tutu."
and
"The monarch of the prom."
I like the double meaning of "monarch," both of the beautiful butterfly and royalty.
Sheri Gordon04/24/08
Congratulations on your Highly Commended. All I can say is, "wow."