Broken Trust, Broken Home
The stairs creaked. I clutched the covers, submerging my whole being into them, until I was buried with my face barely showing. My racing heart was pounding so loud.
Can he hear it?
The stair creaked louder, as every inch of my being strained to hear, dreading the steps I heard.
If I scream, will he go away? Why is he doing…?
The door opened. Lying in bed, my back to the door, I hoped it appeared I was asleep, hoped he would leave. He came to the other side of the bed.
“You stayed home from school,” he said quietly as he lay across the double bed, his face unbearably close.
I could hardly breathe as I opened my eyes, and managed, “Yeah, I wasn’t feeling well.”
“Well, you get some rest,” he said as he leaned closer and gave what was not a father daughter kiss. I lay frozen, petrified, as he left my room and went down the creaking stairs, and left for work.
I wanted to scream, run, hide, but the terror that kept me silent as he left my room engulfed my whole being. I trembled as I wiped my mouth with the sheet. The last two days were a nightmare of surreal events that left me panicked and helpless.
Why is Dad doing this? Why is mom away? I thought angrily.
The waves of confusion and fear enveloped me, pulling me down, bottling the tears that would not pour out.
The day was excruciatingly long as I waited for my older sister, Kelly, to come home. The feelings of the last two days tumbled out as I tried to tell her all that happened.
I was devastated as she burst into tears and said, “Dad’s been doing those things to me since I was ten. He told me not to tell. He said it was my fault.” She could not stop crying, but agreed we needed to call Mom, who was visiting family. Kelly’s sobbing became the resolve I needed as I dialed the phone.
“Mom, there’s something wrong with Dad, he’s doing things,” I started out strong and then reeled with the emotion of what I was saying.
“Please, come home, we need you.” The tears started to pour from that bottled heartache. It had finally shattered. Mom assured me she would come, but it would take two days. We waited by the phone as she contacted friends, hoping we could stay with them until she arrived.
My heart was in my throat when my brother got home from his after school job. I tried to tell him what had happened, but the tears would not stop. It was getting late, and we knew Dad would be coming home from work. The fear was choking as we all dreaded the thought of being there with him. The terror engulfed us after Mom phoned, and we raced up the stairs to our rooms, throwing what we needed into grocery bags, and grabbing hangers of clothes. The taxi driver looked perplexed as we ran to the car, our arms laden. We left all the lights on in our panic to escape.
After school the next day, I was trembling but relieved when I saw Dad was not at home, and picked up my forgotten homework.
I froze. I heard his car door. The back door of the house opened.
I was trapped. I was so afraid, my mouth was dry. I could hardly breathe. I forced my legs to take those last steps from the dining room. I could not move as he stepped into the kitchen, blocking my escape.
Dad had been crying, and was surprised to see me. He tried to tell me why he had done those things. He wanted to stop, and said he knew I would not take it, and then, “I am so sorry.”
The tears ran down my face as I gave him a hug, afraid, not knowing what else to do in our broken lives and broken home.
I made my escape, running by the time I hit the sidewalk.
Months later, after separation and much heartache, Dad called Mom, saying he had accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior and Lord, and asked our forgiveness. He wanted to know if we could start over. We did, with much fear and trepidation.
I have since learned that with God, all things are possible.* Nothing can separate us from His love*, when you believe and trust Christ.*
*Luke 18:26 And they that heard it said, Who then can be saved? 27. And he said, The things which are impossible with men are possible with God. (KJB)
*1John 1:9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (KJB)
* Rom 8:35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?... 37. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39. Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (KJB)
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