Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Win A Publishing Package HERE            

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Father (as in paternal parent, not God) (04/10/08)

TITLE: Dad's Secret
By Carol Sprock
04/11/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

“Don’t tell your mother,” Dad ordered in hushed tones. He darted a glance at the office door in case Mom had done one of her appear-at-the-worst-moment tricks. “I bought a horse, a race horse.”

I stared at him, breathing quickly through my open mouth. Then I blinked as a starburst of enchantment exploded behind my eyes: a horse, me, and Dad whispering a secret only I could appreciate. At twenty, I was still as enthralled with horses as I had been at age ten, which is when I began campaigning to turn the half-acre field in our backyard into a pasture with horse. But how would I hide a horse from Mom?

He read my eyes and mumbled, “Um, sorry, honey, the horse isn’t for you.”

My heart sizzle-smoked in the millisecond my dream bloomed and died. I frowned at Dad’s flushed face and pictured a joyful Saint Bernard in a small room—loyal and loving but creating chaos with each enthusiastic, slobbering bound of delight, madly dashing to please while unmindful of a tail acting as pit and pendulum.

“Well, I guess it’s not really a horse yet. See?” Dad scootched his chair over to mine as he shuffle-passed me three Polaroid photographs. “I didn’t buy it, actually. I invested in it—you know, bought some shares. I think there are six other investors. It’s a race horse. The mother has thoroughbred blood and the stud was….”

“Uh-huh, hmmm,” I murmured, my eyes stroking the flanks and nose of a one-year-old dull roan colt in impish poses. Their paddock was a haze of dust and rocks with only a few sprigs of lanky weeds. I sniffed the heat baking the hard ground with its dollops of manure, horse-hide sweat strongly fragrant in my nose.

“A guy in the office out in Oklahoma City convinced me to use what I had left after investing in Florida oranges last year—remember it froze so I lost a bit? They think he’s got the talent for the Kentucky Derby!” I presumed Dad meant the horse and not the co-worker over a thousand miles away from us. This also meant the horse was that far away, and my heart clutched my throat.

“Really? That’s pretty cool,” I managed with the journalistic mastery of words my college education had provided me. “Will we get a chance to see him race? Do you get some kind of say in how he’s trained?” My tongue felt oddly foreign, heavy and thick with its failure to add the “Can I ride him?” begging of my ten-year-old self.

“Nah, I don’t think so. We just provide the money for a good trainer. And any of the races he runs will be too far away for us to get to, too expensive. Course you and I will watch the Kentucky Derby together on TV. You won’t tell Mom, will you? I knew you’d love your pop owning a horse.”

Dad planted a solid but quick kiss to my right temple and grabbed the pictures from my hand, peeking at the door before stuffing them under the blotter. With a smile dazzling from his eyes and twinkling across his lips, he reached his arm around my shoulders and gave me a warm Saint-Bernard hug that saturated me to the core, almost drowning my silent wails.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 556 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Corinne Smelker 04/18/08
From the moment I started reading I was captivated. Your closing sentence is one of the strongest I have read in a long time.

What is so sad is there are men (and women) like this all over the world - always looking for the next get rich quick scheme, without realising the heartache they cause in their families.

You showed very clearly how your character was torn between her love for her father, and his obvious love for her, with the realisation that he was not making wise financial choices.

Excellent work.
Joanne Sher 04/18/08
This is excellent - you won't be in beginners for long. I love everything about this.
Lyn Churchyard04/20/08
Oh my, what a predicament to put you in... "Don't tell your Mom." LOL I can just see your mom asking "What's your father hiding?" Mothers are good at that. You have done a great job with this entry. I particularly loved the final sentence. Well done.
Lollie Hofer 04/23/08
You did a good job of showing how a person can take your emotions and spew them everywhere. Quite an intriguing story. Your readers get hooked right from the get-go.