Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Grandparent(s) (04/03/08)
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TITLE: Grandma's Writing Room | Previous Challenge Entry
By Nana Bunch
04/09/08 -
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Pen in hand, her eyes closed briefly. As was her custom, she whispered a prayer from deep within her soul - a small tear slipped out. It formed a miniscule streak on her cheek, glistening as it spoke of inexpressible pain.
Momentarily, the past several years formed a question mark in her mind. Why had God birthed this broken footpath to travel? It had altered the course of her life significantly. Quickly, she discarded the tempting loop of thoughts, and deliberately switched gears. This was no time for introspection.
As Grandma put pen to paper one more time, she rehearsed in her mind what she should say. She hoped that her words would touch the isolated soul of this man whom she called, Brother. God only knew how much love in the form of a written smiley, the warmth of encouraging words, and a ray of sunshine from her heart would find its way into yet one more solitary cell on Death Row.
“Be mindful of the prisoners, as having been bound with them; of those ill-treated, as also being in the body yourselves.” Hebrews 13:3 (LITV)
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Author’s note: Please red ink
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RED INK: My only note, is I wasn't sure what was the 'broken footpath' she had to travel. Everything seemed fairly 'fine' from the little sliver of life that I read.
Good job-I liked this! ^_^
Red ink: "stationAry" means "not moving"; you wanted "stationEry". You have a dangling modifier at the beginning of the 2nd paragraph. Finally, in the 3rd, you have a few mixed metaphors: one does not "birth" a "footpath", that sort of thing.
I was very pleasantly pleased at the last paragraph, to see what the woman was doing.
I was confused about the broken footpath as well. Also, I just wish this could have been a little bit longer, because I was really enjoying your writing style. I wanted to know more, and then it ended. Don't be afraid to take advantage of your full 750 word count. Sometimes less words are better, and sometimes it helps to use more.
I really look forward to reading more from you in the future. :)