The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/10/08
I wish I could've read more of this, it is very interesting, the shifting Points of View and the last line that hints at more. At first, I wasn't sure what you were talking about, but I had to laugh when I learned that the 'young one' was a baby bird! What a great twist! ^_^
04/10/08
I really like the illustration of the baby bird (but did you mean mynah instead of miner?). I did think, though, the this may have needed a bit more focus; I felt it jumped around a bit.

Love your last sentence about flying away to Glory.
The 'noisy miner' is a very different bird to the 'mynah'.
At first I didn't understand where this was going, and then I realized that it was a baby bird you were talking about. Clever idea!

The ending regarding your own grandmother felt kind of tacked on to me. I would have liked to hear additional details about her life and seen those details integrated into the story more.

A good piece. I appreciate you sharing it.