The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/07/05
The strange line breaks made this story difficult to read. You might want to use the "preview" feature before you submit, so that you can see where your formatting has been lost and "clean it up" a bit for your readers. Spaces between paragraphs would help, too. Keep writing; your story had considerable merit.
06/08/05
Good effort. Your story was more "tell" than "show", however. Showing more, by using colorful descriptions of what is happening instead of simply telling what happened in a factual way, the reader becomes more connected with the story. The format did make it more difficult to read. If you don't already, try writing your article in Microsoft Word and then copying and pasting it to the challenge form.
It's evident you have a heart for writing. Keep it up!
Blessings, Lynda
06/08/05
I agree, you are on the right track, just need some technical tweeking. I found myself wanting to know more about the Pattersons. (By the way, that "preview before you submit button" is a life-saver for me. You get to see how the article will look before the final click). Be encouraged! :0)
06/09/05
As mentioned above, tough to read, but a viable story. Keep working, you have a natural flare for story telling.
06/10/05
A good portrait of what sadly happens all too often in churches. When people don't prepare their hearts, they can't hear the message. (check your format when you post -it was a bit distracting)
Many attend church but don't have Jesus in their hearts. Nice way of pointing that out. However, I felt like the story ended without an ending. Keep giving!