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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Make Hay While the Sun Shines" (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (03/06/08)

TITLE: What if Tomorrow Never Comes
By Celeste Ammirata
03/12/08


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Steven walked through the front door after a long, hard day at work. He glanced around as he made his way through the living room, past the bathroom and into the kitchen. The tantalizing aromas of a roast in the oven, potatoes boiling, and a cooling homemade apple cake floated through the house.

This woman will never cease to amaze me, he thought. The house always looks so nice, and she never fails to cook a delicious dinner.

“Hey, there you are”, Cindy said, coming in from the back yard, holding their six month old baby girl. She kissed his cheek then smiled down at little Allyson, “Look, Allie, daddy’s home.”

Steven took Allie, and held her closely to kiss her little neck. “How’s my little princess today?” After just a few moments, he handed her back to Cindy. “I have to go do some work on the estimates for the new building.” He ignored the defeated look in Cindy’s eyes. “Call me when dinner’s ready, okay?”

“Sure.” She secured Allie in her high chair, and cleaned her little hands with a warm washrag.

Cindy’s angelic voice wafted in to Steven’s office as she sang to Allie while finishing up with dinner preparations.

I love it when she sings to Allie. Sounds so beautiful. He almost called out to tell her, but didn’t. Too many numbers to crunch.

At the table, he rushed through his delicious meal, in a hurry to get back to his office. Cindy tried to make conversation, but his thoughts were on his work, so he didn’t have much to say.

A couple hours later she brought Allie into his office to say goodnight. Cindy had just given Allie a bath, and as he held her, Steven breathed in the beautiful scent that was reserved for babies alone. His eyes locked on his wife’s for just a second. She has such beautiful green eyes, he thought. Then he turned back to his paperwork.

After tucking Allie in, Cindy brought Steven a piece of cake and a cup of fresh brewed coffee. Gratefully, he took it from her and made haste to finish every last crumb.

“Allie did the cutest thing today,” she said, trying to get him to notice she was still in the room.

“Oh yeah?” he said, without looking up from his desk.

“Yeah.” She quietly left the room knowing that he wouldn’t be listening even if she told him about Allie waving her arms and smiling at a little bird that landed on the blanket they were sitting on in the backyard.

I wonder if he’ll ever have time for us? It’s like he doesn’t even see me anymore. Am I that unattractive to him since I had Allie? I worked so hard to loose all my baby weight. I make sure the house is clean and he has a good dinner every night. Maybe he just doesn’t love me anymore.

She went upstairs for a shower. The phone started ringing but she decided to ignore it. If Steven didn’t pick it up, the machine would answer it.

Downstairs, Steven waited for the ringing to stop. Where’s Cindy? Doesn’t she know I’m busy? Finally, irritated, he picked it up. “Hello.”

“Steven,” said his close friend Jim, they had been friends since middle school and were the best man in each other’s weddings. Through the years, Cindy and Jim’s wife, Nancy became great friends. Nancy was expecting a baby any day now. “Something happened. Nancy started bleeding. I rushed her to the hospital, but they couldn’t stop the bleeding in time. She didn’t make it. She’s gone. So is the baby.” His friend sobbed into the phone.

“Jim, I am so sorry. I’ll get Cindy and we’ll be right over.”

“No. Her parents are on the way here. I just wanted you to know. I’ll call you when I get home. Say a prayer for me. I don’t know how I’m ever going to get through this. I didn’t even get the chance to tell her I love her and how beautiful she was to me.” Steven heard a sob right before the line went dead.

He hung up the phone in disbelief. Nancy was gone?

Numb, he slowly stood up and left the office to find Cindy. Never again would he take his amazing wife for granted, or skip the opportunity to tell her what she meant to him, how beautiful she was, and how much he loved her.

Tomorrow isn’t always guaranteed.


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This article has been read 517 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shelley Ledfors 03/13/08
An excellent illustration of the proverb. Very well done in showing his thoughts of love for his wife, but how he was "too busy" to express them...and the pain this misunderstanding caused her. A powerful reminder we would all do well to heed.
Elizabeth Harshbarger03/13/08
This is a poignant story that is played out so many times in so many homes. This story is on topic, as well as pointing out that something good comes out of even the worst catastrophies.
Shayne Catoe03/14/08
This is a cleanly written story with good transitions. I was right there with the characters, especially when the bad news came. Great work.
Laury Hubrich 03/16/08
Wow! You have great descriptions in this story. Very thought provoking. A must read for workaholics.
Laury
jodie banner03/16/08
Great story, it kept me waiting for something dreadful to happen to Cindi and Allie.So glad this one has a happy ending for at least one family.
Jan Ackerson 03/16/08
Superbly written...wonderful "showing, not telling."

My only nitpick would be that the "too busy husband" is a bit of an archetype, and once he was established, there was really only one way this could go.

You really did a great job of putting us into his head. One of the best stories on this level.
Sally Hanan03/16/08
Nicely done. If you want to get more points for your opening, see if you can grab us so that we don't let go. For example: Steven walked through the front door after a long, hard day at work could become: Steve let his keys slide out of his tired hand onto the hall table. That way we can see things happening and draw conclusions rather than be told what is happening.
Marlene Austin03/16/08
Well written. Good job. :)
Lyn Churchyard03/16/08
Good take on the topic. Well done.
D. Phenes03/16/08
Good story and no question it was definetely on topic..
Thanks for sharing
Joanne Sher 03/17/08
An excellent message told very poignantly. Great detail.
Joshua Janoski03/18/08
This story covered the topic perfectly. I know of a lady who had a husband just like this. He practically worked himself to death, and then he realized that he needed to spend more time with his family.

A good reminder for all of us to make sure that we let the ones we love know it everyday.

Great writing. Thank you for sharing.
Debbie Wistrom03/18/08
You are a gifted story teller. Keep up the good words. I like your title very much.
Betty Castleberry03/18/08
Touching and sad. So many don't recognize what they have until it is gone. Nicely done.
Tim Pickl03/18/08
This is what I said out loud at the end: Wow!
Chely Roach03/19/08
This was very good, and right on topic...well done.
Holly Westefeld03/19/08
Well told, over all.
I concur with the suggestions already made, and would add my own opinion, for what it's worth.
I think the ending would have been more powerful if you employed showing, not telling, perhaps stopping with:
"Numb, he slowly stood up and left the office to find Cindy."
If you want to go beyond that, I would suggest his apology, once he locates her.

I like how Cindy kept showing her love, even though her husband was taking her for granted.
Mandy White03/19/08
Great story. I can't add much more to what's already been said. You have talent!
Sara Harricharan 03/19/08
Oh, so sad. I liked how Cindy did keep trying, even though her husband wasn't paying any attention.

RED INK: Do you mind some red ink? If not, my only note was putting the thoughts in italics would've made it a bit easier to read. ^_^
Beckie Stewart03/19/08
This is excellent and brought the point home well.
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/19/08
Very sweet story--well-written. I enjoyed it.


   
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