The Official Writing Challenge
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I could certainly feel the pulse-pounding urgency of this piece.

I had a very hard time following it, partly because of the lack of paragraphing, and partly because it seemed to lack focus.

Given the place names mentioned, I suspect that English may not be your first language? If that's the case--wow, you're doing great! Keep refining your writing!
You certainly kept this going at a fast pace, fitting the subject quite well. The desperation was clear.

Lots going on in here - some was a bit hard to follow.

A very good example of the topic, with true-to-life consequences. Keep writing!