Home Tour About What's New Help Forums Join Login My Account Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
I
Need A
Savior
301
  

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Make Hay While the Sun Shines" (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (03/06/08)

TITLE: At The Gates
By Joshua Janoski
03/11/08


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

It was a beautiful day in Heaven. The streets were sparkling with a golden hue. Fluffy white clouds wafted through the air. God’s light shone brightly everywhere. The kingdom was full of life, as people strolled along, talking and laughing. Why, even Saint Peter was out and about. He was in kind of a hurry…

“Excuse me! Pardon me! Um, can I get through please?”

Peter appeared to be having a difficult time navigating the crowds near the Pearly Gates. The angel Gabriel came flying down to speak with him.

“Good day Peter. Where are you headed?” Gabriel asked.

“Just trying to get to the gates Gabriel. I’m beginning the daily admission process. Since the rapture took place, there has been an overflow of people just waiting to get in.”

Gabriel laughed and continued to follow Peter.

“This place is huge, and yet everyone seems to want to hang out at the front gates .” Peter said with a sigh.

“It’s a hot spot for sure, but I know just the man who can help you”, Gabriel said. “Hey Moses! Can you help Peter out here?”

Moses walked over to the front of the crowd and spread his arms apart, his staff tightly held in his right hand. The crowd began to separate, leaving a path for Peter to walk through.

“Show off.” Peter muttered with a grin as he nodded at Moses.

He punched in a code at a keypad attached to the wall next to the gates. The gates swung open. He slid his punch card into the time clock next to the keypad, and then walked outside of the gates.

Peter stood facing the massive crowd. This was THE largest crowd he had seen outside of the gates at one time. He walked over to an empty podium situated in front of the large gates.

“Book of Life needed at front gate ASAP,” he yelled.

An angel, driving a small forklift, drove over to the podium. The forklift raised up an enormous book, and then lowered it onto the podium.

“Thank you Miles” Peter said, as the forklift drove off. “Now let’s see here. Has everyone taken a number?”

Hands went up in the air showing their number tickets.

“Very good. Let’s start off with number one.”

A young man stepped up to the podium.

“Your name sir?”

“David Carter” the man said with a smile.

Peter flipped through the pages of the book. After a few moments of reading, he stopped and looked up at David.

“Mr. Carter, did you ever accept Christ as your personal Savior?”

A puzzled expression came over David’s face.

“Um, no sir. Why do you ask?”

“Well you see son, your name is not listed in this book here. The only way to get your name into this book is to accept Christ as your personal Savior. No name in the book…no entry into Heaven.“ Peter said with a grimace.

David argued with Peter. “No one told me about any special tasks that I would need to complete in order to get in here. This is Heaven isn’t it? Doesn’t everyone get admitted when they die?”

“It says here that your cousin tried to get you to accept Christ a couple of years ago.”

“That joker with the baggy pants and backwards baseball cap? What did he know about God?” David asked.

“Apparently more than you did. He was let in yesterday.”

David looked surprised as Peter continued to speak.

“How about your wife? Didn’t she try to get you to turn to God?”

“Yes, she nagged me about it all the time,” David said. “Where is she anyways? I want to talk to her about this.”

Peter pointed up to a large mansion sitting up on a distant hill behind him.
“That’s her home; She too has already been admitted.

David’s head hung low. He began to realize his big mistake.

“According to my records David, you had numerous opportunities to get your name recorded into this book, and you turned down every one of them. Each opportunity was the perfect chance to secure your place here. Unfortunately, you waited too long, and now it’s too late.”

Peter reached down and pulled a lever attached to the bottom of the podium. A trap door opened in the clouds beneath David’s feet. David fell through into a dark eternity.

“This is such a hard job sometimes,” Peter whispered to himself as he called for the next number.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be right now. CLICK HERE

JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 558 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Lyn Churchyard03/14/08
A very interesting picture of the "Pearly Gates". I liked the part "Moses walked over to the front of the crowd and spread his arms apart, his staff tightly held in his right hand. The crowd began to separate, leaving a path for Peter to walk through."

A truly sobering reminder that we have a limited opportunity to come to Christ and once that is over, it is too late. How foolish of David, and how sad, not to have taken the opportunity when he had it.
A very good take on the topic. Well done.
Yvonne Blake 03/14/08
(smile) Although, we couldn't say this is Biblically accurate, it's got a good message and well done.
I like the section with Moses parting the crowd.
I'm sure there will be many who will be like David Carter and wish they had listened to those who had witnessed to them.
Thank you for writing this.
Nancy Quinn03/14/08
My favorite part was Moses parting the crowd too. Well written and a humorous story, yet sobering at the end. Well done story! God bless :)
Sally Hanan03/16/08
Creative and fun (except for the end bit, of course). :)
Shelley Ledfors 03/16/08
A very creative take on this topic. And it is perfect for the topic. Fun and lighthearted at the beginning, but ending with the sobering truth. Nicely done.
Jan Ackerson 03/17/08
Really clever, fun, cute--with just enough zing to get your point across.
Mandy White03/17/08
Creative, funny (loved the angels driving forklifts) Good message at the end! Nicely done, Joshua.
Marlene Austin03/17/08
Super take on the subject. :) I had a real visual of the forklift plowing around the ethereal Heavens. Good job, as always.
Chely Roach03/17/08
Very clever...I really liked it. I truly pray that there are no punch cards or time clocks in heaven!
Marita Thelander 03/17/08
This would make a cute skit. Th ethought of taking a number after the rapture is mind boggeling. That's a lot of numbers!

I see a lot of improvement in your writing. Looking forward to next quarter's work.
Lauryn Abbott03/17/08
You put a humorous and light feel to a serious topic. Good job!
Amy Michelle Wiley 03/17/08
Cute story with a powerful message. May all those we love realize the truth while the "sun shines".
jodie banner03/18/08
At first I found the lightness of this piece a bit disturbing, but, it occurred to me that many people have this view of heaven and this may just be the type of story to introduce the realities of a dark eternity to them.
Debbie Wistrom03/18/08
Thoroughly enjoyed this story. The humorous approached worked for me, keep writing.
Bill Obenauer03/18/08
Great story Josh!!! I may pass this one along to my mother to see if it would reach her. I'm sure it would be a nice follow up to the conversation that we had on Palm Sunday where she berated my sister and I for being a bunch of "Holy Rollers!" In all seriousness, you took a very important topic and told a story in a light enough way that although they may not agree, non-believers may at least read it. Nice job. I'll let you know what she says about it.
K. J. Cash03/18/08
Reading the comments above, I have to say I liked the Moses part too. Definately on topic. That's entertainment!
Kristen Hester 03/18/08
I enjoyed your story. The pacing is great and story really held my attention! Keep up the great work.
Patrick Whalen03/19/08
I loved this fresh take on the "pearly gates" of Heaven! Very creative and while it may speak of David's need to have accepted Christ, it also encourages those who already have!
Sara Harricharan 03/19/08
Oh, this is good. I see what you mean by a light fluffy brick with a deeper ending. The ending is sad, I was with Peter when he said that it was such a hard job sometimes. What a sobering reminder. I liked the bit with Moses though, that was cute! Nice job! ^_^
Henry Clemmons03/19/08
"Let my attention go". Yes, Moses stole the show. Excellent job. Great, honest writing. Enjoyed this very much.
Celeste Ammirata03/24/08
I enjoyed your story very much. What a creative, fun way of getting an important message across. I love your descriptions of heaven and can see everything happening. Great writing. And thanks for sharing. God Bless
LauraLee Shaw04/02/08
Hi Josh, I missed this while I was on vacation. WOW! Great to see your writing style improving every week, and I love the diversity of style that you bring each and every week. Well done. ;)


   
© MeasurelessMedia. All rights reservedTerms of Service