The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
I like this story very much. A little confusing at times to who is talking, but that could be easily solved with some attributes. I love how tha grandmother got to see baby Jordan before she passed. What a wonderful family she had. Good job. Definitely on topic. Keep writing
03/17/08
So sweet and sad...
I like all the dialogue, although I did get a little confused as to who was who. Perhaps the "explaining" paragraph would be better nearer the beginning. Also, though the part about the general store was very interesting, I'm not sure about it. It took away a little from the power of the emotions. (Maybe it would be better at the beginning too.)
I love the quiet ending, so peaceful.
Thank you for writing this.