The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/14/08
I don't know a thing about football, but I can tell you that I was moved by the coach's humble prayer. Thank you.
Like Jan, I know nothing about this style of football, but I did enjoy the story. It was great to see the coach listening for God's answer after he prayed. Well done.
Excellent writing of a football play in a short story. How astute the announcer was to say he knew what the coach was thinking- after the play is over! (when he actually had no clue) Isn't that always the way it is. :) Nice job.
03/17/08
My husband might actually read this! He never reads MY writing--of course I don't know anything about football either.:)
I liked this very much!
03/17/08
Prayer is powerful!
I'm not a sports fan, but you kept my attention the whole way through. (One question though...was it football or soccer?) Perhaps it was plainer, but I couldn't tell.
Good story. Thank you for writing it.
03/17/08
This definitely sounds like football with a funny shaped ball. The jargon is hard for people who think the game is played with the feet and a round ball. watch out for jargon if you want to reacha wide audience, though by using of the commmentary helped explain the game.
03/17/08
Sounds like play Belicheck would make!!!!LOL this was great except I do believe in praying for the other team to fail if its the Yankees.(baseball I know) great message and right on topic.
03/17/08
Great story. I thought the pacing was good and the dialogue and tone of the announcers was realistic. Two possible improvements: In the 2nd paragraph, you've got them 'standing up and looking down' and it feels to preposition-y. Also, as a dedicated football fan (This is the American football, for those who couldn't tell!) the rhythm, cadence, something about the announcing on the final play wasn't quite right.
But truly, good job!
Not a sports fan either, but enjoyed the story, with much wisdom skillfully woven in.
I love American football. This story really speaks to all the men and women who are sports fanatics.

I really liked this part of his prayer:

“You know that I would never ask You to deliver a victory to my team as that would be asking for You to deliver a loss to another. Prayer should never be used to ask for another man to fail”.

I had trouble figuring out where the topic was in this story until your final sentence. Then I realized that the coach took advantage of the chance that he had to see a big play made and win the game.

Awesome job Bill! You won’t stay in Beginners much longer.
Loved the action here and also that the coach took the time out to pray. Keep writing.
03/19/08
heehee, I don't know a whole lot about sports and what not, but this was sure interesting to read! I loved the coach's prayer, it was so real and down to earth, memorable words for certain. You did great with the characters! ^_^