The Official Writing Challenge
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What an exciting time! Your sentence structure needs some fine tuning but otherwise a good story. White space between paragraphs help the reader follow the story's flow. (Just some thoughts...I'm learning right there with you!)
Wow, I wish we'd done that with our chicks when I was a kid. We used to get several hundred a time. Thank you for reminding me how gorgeous they were. Well done. As Patrick said, make sure you put a line between each paragraph. Good story though :)
03/15/08
Ohhh, how beautiful!
My son loved to raise chicks. You described the chicken coop so well.
An extra space between each paragraph will help the reader.
Thank you for writing this.
**THIS SPARKLES**
Very cute and heartwarming story.

Some of the sentences need to be restructured a little bit in order to help the reader better understand them, but that isn't anything that couldn't easily be fixed. Also, as has already been said, splitting your story up into paragraphs helps the reader follow along easily.

I think it's awesome that you played Christian music for the chicks. I'm betting that when you hear them making noise, they are probably busy worshiping God. :)

Thank you for sharing.
03/17/08
Thanks for this! Reminds me of my grandma's chicks. Lovely story.
03/18/08
You brought back so many memories of new chicks in the coop! Thanks for sharing this - I love that God's music even gives his animals peace. Lovely!
03/18/08
Happy Easter! What a dear story. Very sweet and touching with the little musical chicks. I really think spiritual music would affect their personalities.

Now a suggestion, perhaps not everyone would agree that it is necessary, but I think all this story needs now is a good application. What do you hope others will do as a result of reading your story?

Thank you so much for sharing this!
I like the first person account. Hope this is a true story because it's a lovely. Great job!
Just in time for spring-great timing. I could feel your MC's excitment too, she is well prepared and will be greatly blessed. I have been blessed by reading this, thanks!