The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
03/06/08
Vivid writing--you have a lot of talent.

I was left with a lot of questions, however--one of the problems of having to explain an alternate world in so few words. The last several paragraphs contained considerable explaining and summarizing, but I still felt a little bit lost.

You did a great job with creating your intended atmosphere.
A gripping tale! You brought me right into the setting and I really enjoyed it. It is difficult to get the big picture and include the details in the word count constraint. That said, I think you did quite well.
03/10/08
Excellent detail and imagery. However, I found it difficult to follow and am unclear as to how it fits in with the weeks theme.

A small note: watch for shifts from past to present tense.

I would like to read this as a larger work, with more time to go into detail and explanation of the story. I very much enjoyed the creativity of the writing.
From a fellow "newbie", I was reminded of what is REALLY important in this hour, in the lives of every believer! The intercession and battle for the souls of man is NOT a fictional story! You brought that point to light!
03/11/08
Chilling story! I'd love to hear the other side of the story... Matthais'. Maybe as an article?
03/11/08
Ooooh! I'm glad I didn't read this just before going to bed! This was a nightmare maker.
I was a little confused in the part about protecting Matthias.
I assume this is part of a bigger story and things would be explained. I'm not sure it works too well as a weekly challenge entry.
Good (?) 'creepy' descriptions. Keep writing.
This was a great story. I loved your characters and would like to see more of them. You have a definite talent. Very well done!
03/16/08
Lynn, this is a great entry. I can see so much talent here. Keep working. Watch for verb tenses. Make sure you hit the topic hard next time. This is a great story. Reminds me of a Ted Dekker book or Peretti! And that is high praise! Keep up the great work. You'll be moving up soon!
Laury
07/18/08
Thank you for writing this piece. I have seen some of the same hunchbacked demons and black stringy haired with sharp, rotten, snags for teeth, along with a deep almost moanful wicked laugh. I know the ones of darkness want to silence those who belong to and speak out for Jesus, but we are protected by him and just as he told Lucifer in a dream, "Touch her not for she belongs to me." AMEN!!! Anita