Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Every Dark Cloud has a Silver Lining" (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (02/28/08)
TITLE: I Surrender!
By Shayne Catoe
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She’s a bit baffled, because I’ve waited so long to come. Then she’s not qualified to handle my complicated case, but does not inform us until I am markedly worse. I float from doctor to doctor. Medications are introduced. I pray through the rage and anxiety attacks, but still experience the excruciating mental torture it affords. My family suffers, years pass. No one seems to have any answers. I stop eating. It’s the day after 9-11 and my dedicated husband takes me to the hospital to admit my feather weight frame. They say it was almost too late. The doctor I was seeing was shifting medicines so quickly that I’d begun to hallucinate. After six weeks of care, I am no longer in danger. I go home to find a clean house, because of my mother-in-law, and a worn out, yet excited family. How could they all still love me? I came home a different woman than I went away.
For many years I wanted to run my life. When God decided it would go a different way, without my permission, I turned on Him, angry. How was it He could allow such suffering in His child’s life? Surely I meant more to Him than that! I fought many death rolls on my own, and nearly drowned forever, especially that last hospitalization. My mind much extinguished. Vapors remain, but they do remain. I spent time reading my Bible, when I could not make sense of anything else. I prayed when I could not communicate with anyone else. Jesus was all I had. He was all I needed. I didn’t need my own life goals or agendas above His anymore. The Lord God became first in my life. Through losing control of my own life I gained a new and more beautiful life from the Lord.
It came at a high price. Through the refining fires came a golden soul, with many flaws, yes, but purified in the furnace of the fire.
I was never able to break free of medication or some symptoms, but will forever be grateful for God’s plan in allowing these years of training my faith, that I might loose much dross.
I have been given much by God’s grace. Jesus Christ, my Savior and LORD. A family I love who loves me unconditionally, a godly husband who provides, and children who are growing up in the admonition of the Lord, albeit with scars from my experiences. I am confident the Lord will use all these things for His glory and our good, even in the lives of my children.
May the Lord continue to do His perfect work, conquering my will for eternity.
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