The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
03/06/08
I love this little dialogue with God. You have some problems with your quotation marks. If you would like help with it, why don't you PM me and I would be happy to share! Great job! Lovely story!
Laury
A very good little story. I think that the dialogue needs some spacing to make it easier to read. Perhaps put Jesus' dialogue in italics to separate it from the girls. Just a suggestion. Thank you for sharing.
03/07/08
I love seeing heartfelt conversations with God portrayed...especially those rooted in the depths of dispair.
Take Laury up on her offer...she is EXTREMELY helpful. Keep writing!
03/07/08
This was beautifully put:

"Please don't leave me, I can't do this alone" This was the cry of a teenage girl who was left to take care of a baby on her own. Left in a home where once all her hopes and aspirations sat, now all her deepest fears have come. Not knowing what to do or who to run to, she tried something that she had never done before.She called on Jesus and he opened up her door.

I really think your opening statement in quotations catches the readers eye well. I like this in a story. Some of what I've pasted above reads like free verse to me. Very pretty. Keep on writing.
03/10/08
This is heartfelt and touching.

Work on punctuation and paragraphing, so that your piece will be more understandable to your readers.

Very sweet...keep writing!
03/10/08
So much truth in here... keep writing!