Language is the silent witness to the essence and evolution of our history and our humanity. Our daily lives are intertwined by our capacity to communicate, our capacity to collaborate and our capacity to create connections.
But my world was silent and so were my words. My heart ached to hear the gentle whisper of the wind, the sounds of life slowly passing by and the love of a mother as she gently hushes her tiny child to sleep. Silence my only friend, my unseen future and my faith for which to lean upon.
The once beautiful spring weather was as dreary and despondent as my heart and my hope of ever hearing that rain the poured so painfully outside almost if they were the tears of heaven themselves.
“Lord, I’m here,” I silently whispered. “I’ve prayed for so long for healing, for a glimpse of hope but all I continually find is that my heart is continually hurting and angry for what I feel my life is lacking.”
I clenched my legs as my knees silently settled upon my bedroom floor. I cried tears of dejection, despondency and discouragement. Perhaps my tears a reflection of my selfish pride or my longing for a world I would never truly be a part of.
Silently my heart cried to the Lord, “I pray that your will be done not mine. Lord let my hands become your hands; my feet become your feet and let my heart become your home.”
A sense of peace and inexplicable joy seared through the crevices and cracks of my soul, flooding out the shadows of doubt and denial. My eyes gazed through the window pane of bright sunshine toward the blue skies of heaven.
Perhaps God is smiling for both my heart and heaven, I wondered. Unfortunately life as I’ve learned does not pause even for a moment as we gaze towards eternity. We quickly learn that life is limited but eternity is limitless, the gray skies of melancholy are the melodies upon with angels play. Life is filled with silence, solitude and separation but heaven is filled with laughter, love and our Lord.
In silence I gathered my belongings and headed out the door towards my lonely world and my lonely life. My thoughts tittered and teetered as my car rushed with the flow of the Monday morning commuter traffic. My thoughts could have almost outpaced commuter traffic through the city.
Upon entering the office building my heart was overcome with empathy as I gazed towards Jonas, the regular homeless man who found shelter in a cardboard box propped against our office building. He shamefully waved and mouthed good morning, his regular Monday-Friday as I acknowledged him with a smile, hug and gently handed him an extra lunch. I always made one for him and for him; I suppose I really never thought much about it. A few curious eyes gazed in my direction some filled with sympathy others filled with arrogance perhaps as they silently muttered sarcastic prayers of “how I’m thankful that isn’t me.”
Silently, I continued through the remainder of my day periodically gazing out toward the direction of the slowly setting sun. Most of my day was invested in menial and mediocre tasks of filing, data entry and endless coffee maker refills.
I prayed that however meaningless and mediocre my time was seen to me that my time and my life truly found meaning in the eyes of God. As I quietly prepared for the evening commute home my eyes wandered towards a single envelope attached to computer screen with my name sprawled across in ink. I opened the letter and the tears began to fall as if a damn had been broken:
I just wanted you to know that everyday I see your bright smile fill the shadowed corners of this office. Your bubbly personality and overwhelming enthusiasm fills my heart as much as I hope it does yours. However, for some time now I’ve wondered where did you find such joy, peace and love? Everyday in the office you work silently and surrounded by solitude but you permeate radiance almost like a ray of sunshine. I have to wonder how much of your Christian faith has been rubbing off on myself and the rest of this overshadowed off staff. Truly you’re the type of silent witness that this world needs to see more of.
Witnessed to in Silence
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